Two weeks had passed since the day I pinned Hiyori down and apologized, and summer vacation was just around the corner.
Things with Hiyori were still a little awkward as usual, but Hiyori did not seem to mind at all and kept talking to me just as casually as before.
If anything, I was the one keeping my distance, and I felt like Hiyori was walking on eggshells around me.
Once I saw that anxious, indescribable look in her eyes, it felt like I had no choice but to draw a line. It was an event that reminded me all over again that Hiyori and I were just a senior and a junior.
Hiyori had said she did not mind, but I was certain that could not possibly be true.
If I were in Hiyori’s shoes, even if it were someone I liked, getting pinned down by a mere senior would definitely be unpleasant.
Even so, I thought Hiyori, who still chose to be my junior, was incredibly kind and warm.
I wondered over and over what would have happened if I had not pulled back that day and gone all the way.
Would she have come to like me? Even if she did not love me, would she have at least seen me as a romantic option? Or would she have hated me as “that Koto-senpai” and never come near me again?
Thinking about the first and second outcomes filled me with regret, while thinking about the third brought relief.
But I had no way of knowing how things would have actually turned out.
♢
It was a Sunday.
I had headed to the station to buy Shinkansen tickets to go back to my parents’ house for summer vacation.
Perhaps because summer vacation was approaching, it was extremely crowded, and people were even lining up outside the ticket windows.
I hesitated about buying them online, but since I had already come this far, I decided to just wait in line.
From where I was standing in line, the ticket gates were visible, and I found myself mindlessly watching the people meeting up in front of the gates.
A woman dressed up, probably waiting for her boyfriend; a parent and child holding hands; an affectionate older couple.
As I stared blankly at such people, I spotted a familiar face among them.
————…It was Takuto….
Takuto was standing and leaning against a wall while fiddling with his smartphone.
Why do I have to run into this guy even on my day off? Thinking that, I kept staring at Takuto for a while since I had nothing better to do.
The line was not moving forward at all, and Takuto was not moving from that spot either.
Was he meeting up with someone?
Ah, could today be the day to buy supplies? We needed to start getting ready soon, after all. Plus, I remember there was supposed to be a meat sale at the nearby supermarket today.
Then Takuto lifted his face from his smartphone and started waving with a smile.
Had Mei-chan arrived?
I followed the direction of Takuto’s gaze, and standing there was——…
“————…Eh…?”
It was Hiyori, hurrying over to Takuto with small steps.
Hiyori ran up to Takuto without hesitation and started talking to him with a smile. Then, a little while later, the two of them started walking side by side.
Why, tell me why.
It made no sense, and I found myself staring intently at the two of them.
My legs were shaking. I could not even produce a voice.
Only time seemed to stretch thinly, and with every blink, reality multiplied.
The distance walking side by side, leaning shoulders, carefree gestures. Every single thing looked as if it had stolen memories from me.
The two of them walked past me. Even as I turned my face away, I could not help glancing at the two of them quietly. They had not noticed me.
Hiyori was wearing a slightly mature-looking pantsuit, something she never usually wore. And she had that soft smile, just like when she went out with me.
As we passed each other, I quietly looked at Hiyori’s chest. And immediately, I regretted having looked.
—————…It was not there.
The heart-shaped necklace I had given her was not there.
Hiyori’s laughter echoed deep inside my ears.
A slightly more mature way of laughing than usual.
Once Hiyori and Takuto disappeared from view, I let out a soft breath.
Why, why.
Hiyori was neither my lover nor anything of the sort, so I had no right to meddle in where she went or who she went out with.
But why did it have to be Takuto?
She had said she disliked him. She had said she needed to draw a clear line. She had insisted she never wanted to go on a date with someone she did not like.
Wasn’t a man and a woman meeting up and going out together a date?
Even when she went out with me, she used to joke around and laugh, calling it a date.
Inviting me to love hotels, going out together while calling it a date, making suggestive remarks like “Koto-senpai is my special person,” and all that frequent physical contact—were all of those, everything, just a lie?
Was I just being toyed with in the palm of Hiyori’s hand?
Was the thought that Hiyori might actually like me just a fleeting expectation?
Because I had hurt her, was this her way of replacing me with Takuto?
Did she think, “Koto-senpai is fun because she’ll listen to anything I say”?
In my mind, I vividly imagined Takuto and Hiyori holding hands.
————…No.
Would she hold hands with Takuto too, saying it was normal because it was a date? Would she have him help her pick out clothes, and if she could not reach the zipper in the back, would she have him step inside the fitting room with her?
I hated the thought. Wasn’t that a face she only showed to me?
“Um, the line is moving, you know?”
Consumed by thoughts of Hiyori and Takuto, I had not noticed that the line had moved forward.
I muttered “Excuse me” to the person behind me and stepped forward.
Maybe it was not a date.
Maybe it was some club-related errand. I repeated those words to myself.
Yet the little demon inside me whispered otherwise.
There was no way a club errand would involve just the two of them alone. It was definitely a date, nothing else.
Cold sweat beaded on my skin.
Even though the air conditioning was blasting, I was out of breath and my heart was racing.
That was right, I could just ask directly. Asking, “What are you doing right now?”
I pulled out my smartphone, hovered my finger over Hiyori’s name, and stopped.
No, if I were in Hiyori’s shoes, I would never say, “I am on a date with Yamaguchi-senpai.” I would lie.
I closed the messaging app and put my smartphone away.
Ah, maybe that person was not Hiyori after all. Because Hiyori never dressed like that, and the necklace I gave her was not around her neck.
———…The necklace…….
That was right, the necklace.
Whenever she met up with me, it always sparkled around her neck, but whenever she was with Takuto, it was never there.
The day she told me I was her special person, and today too.
I remembered. The day Takuto tried to trick me.
The necklace had been sparkling at her throat. Yet when talking to Takuto, she had kept her hands clasped in front of her chest.
I remembered something being right in that spot.
She had been hiding the necklace while talking to Takuto.
Was it so Takuto wouldn’t misunderstand if he saw her wearing something given to her by another woman?
I could only view everything in a negative light. That was how shocking the sight had been.
To digest these feelings, I tried to open the messaging app once more, but stopped again.
I thought about talking to Seina, but I did not think I could properly put these feelings and what had just happened into words right now.
I bought my Shinkansen ticket, boarded the train as if running away, and went home.
I threw myself onto the bed and lay face down.
By the time I made it home, I had managed to calm down.
She had never shown me that kind of pantsuit look, had she?
When she was with me, she only ever wore cute dresses or girly outfits.
She had never shown me that kind of mature smile, had she?
When she was with me, she smiled much more like a child.
That expression she made the other day when I pinned her down, that expression when she walked side by side with Takuto today, all her words, actions, and gestures until now.
Hiyori had said she had to draw a line with Yamaguchi-senpai because he was persistent, but even that must have been a lie.
They were probably close all along, just pretending to hate each other in front of me because I disliked Takuto. Hiyori was mature enough compared to me to pull that off.
“Does Hiyori… like Takuto, I wonder?”
Once those words slipped out of my mouth, I felt like I could never take them back. It was the only conclusion my mind would accept.
Tears spilled over on their own.
I had no concrete proof. Maybe they had just happened to run into each other. Maybe it was an errand for the club or something.
Yet the doubt, once born, refused to vanish and only continued to grow larger inside my chest.
I had to ask them directly—Hiyori and Takuto.
I squeezed my eyes shut and made up my mind.