Lin Chongtan’s words made my body freeze. The sound of footsteps coming closer made me feel like I was falling into a pit of ice. I felt as if a pair of eyes were looking all over me.
Just as my fear reached its peak, the Crown Prince said without interest, “No, I’m not interested in this kind of thing. Lin Chongtan, I’ll wait for you outside. Come out quickly.”
Lin Chongtan agreed.
Once the Prince left, Lin Chongtan carried me to the bed. I had not yet recovered from the shock. I was shaking all over until I heard his voice.
Lin Chongtan covered me with a blanket. “I have to leave for a while, and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll have Qingqiu come pick you up later. Stay alert and don’t sleep. There are clean clothes in the cabinet in the corner.”
I slowly came back to my senses. I grit my teeth and said nothing.
Lin Chongtan’s eyes darkened. He seemed to want to say something, but he stopped himself. Finally, he leaned down and tried to kiss me to comfort me. I turned my head to avoid him. My mind was filled only with what he had said earlier.
I am a person, not an object. How could he talk about giving me away like a gift? No, it wasn’t even a gift—just a “toy” for someone to try out. And the person he offered me to didn’t even want me.
Seeing me pull away, Lin Chongtan stayed silent for a moment, then got up and left.
I heard him close the door. I was left alone in the cabin. I forced myself to get up and put on my clothes, wanting to go back to the student dorms. But I didn’t know how to row, so I was trapped on the boat, unable to go anywhere.
The soreness and exhaustion of my body reminded me of what I had been through tonight. For a moment, I thought I was cherished. When the pain was at its worst, Lin Chongtan had been comforting me and even called me “Baby.”
At that moment, my face had turned red, and I covered his lips, not letting him say it.
That is a name adults use for children. Lin Chongtan and I are the same age, and I am no longer a child. He shouldn’t call me that.
But now it seems that being “cherished” was just my own delusion. I am a man too. I should know that men will say anything while they are in bed.
I curled my body into a ball and buried my face in the silk blanket.
“Young Master Chun.”
Qingqiu’s voice came from outside.
Hearing him, I quickly wiped away my tears and answered. Qingqiu brought me a cloak and some food. The food was soft and tasty, but I had no appetite. I put on the cloak and asked him to take me back to the dorms immediately.
When I got back, it was almost dawn. My body felt terrible. I planned to ask for a day off to sleep, but Qingqiu stopped me. “Young Master Chun, the Second Master said you cannot take a leave today. You must go to class.”
I was angry. “Does he even control whether I take a leave? I’m going to take it. What is he going to do to me?”
Is he going to give me to someone else again?
Qingqiu’s personality is different from Baichi’s. If Baichi saw me get angry, he would smile and try to please me. But Qingqiu just knelt on the ground. “Young Master Chun, these are the Second Master’s orders. I must carry them out.”
“You!” I glared at him in anger.
He added, “Baichi has already gathered your books. If you go to the Second Master’s room to wash up, you can go straight to class.”
When I arrived at Lin Chongtan’s dorm, Baichi saw me and brought out some eggs to help with the swelling around my eyes. I was full of anger, but somehow, my energy just faded away.
What was the point of being angry at Qingqiu and Baichi?
Today’s classes were like torture. I couldn’t sit still on the stool. My hands and feet felt weak, and my head hurt. During Teacher Li’s class, I was so tired that I couldn’t help but lean my head down. Teacher Li was always strict. He immediately punished me with ten hits of the ruler and made me stand in the hallway.
In the past six months, I had rarely been punished by Teacher Li. As he hit me, he said coldly, “You are back to your old ways. You are stubborn. With an attitude like this, you can’t even be compared to your brother. Even a random student wouldn’t be as lazy as you, sleeping in class.”
I couldn’t defend myself. I just listened in silence.
I finally made it to the end of class. Before I could go back into the room to rest, Wenle Nie suddenly rushed out and dragged me to a quiet corner.
“Wenle Nie, let go!” My wrist hurt from his grip. “What are you doing?!”
Wenle Nie turned to look at me. His face looked terrible, and he kept staring at me. “Where were you last night?”
My heart skipped a beat, but I acted confused. “What do you mean? I was in my dorm.”
“In your dorm?” Wenle Nie suddenly reached out to pull at my collar. I was scared by his move and stepped back. But my legs were weak, and I accidentally fell to the ground. The pain made my eyes turn red instantly.
Wenle Nie stopped, but he was still angry. He kept staring at me. I looked up at him, then looked down, thinking about how to get away.
“Slut,” Wenle Nie suddenly cursed. I was shocked and looked up quickly. He looked even angrier than I was. He glared at me and said things I didn’t understand. “If I had known, I would have… How can you do this to Feiguang Yue?”
Feiguang Yue?
The person who held me on his lap at the tavern, who gathered people to bully me, and who had someone draw those kinds of pictures of me? How did I wrong him? If anyone was wronged, wasn’t it me?
I used my hands to push myself up. “Are you done insulting me?”
Wenle Nie yelled, “No! I…” He took a deep breath and looked away. Then he said, “If you don’t feel well, go back and lie down. Why did you come to class?”
“It’s none of your business.” He kept saying mean things, so I didn’t want to be nice to him anymore.
“None of my business? Fine. Then walk around more. Stay in the classroom so all the men can see you like this…” He didn’t finish his sentence. He clenched his fists as if he was too angry to speak.
Even though Wenle Nie was the one insulting me, he acted angrier than I was, as if I had done something terrible to him.
He left after cursing at me. I stood there for a while. When my eyes stopped stinging, I fixed my clothes and went back to the classroom.
The next class was archery. I didn’t practice for long before I snuck back to the classroom to take a nap. Because I was curled up on a long bench, the students who came in later didn’t notice me.
A group of them came in together, talking about who was better at archery. Then, someone mentioned me.
The group went silent for a moment, and then someone said, “You all saw it, right? When Teacher Li punished him, his face was so pale. It was pitiful.”
“I saw it. Not just his face, but his legs were shaking when he walked. I was afraid he would fall over. If he had cried a little, Teacher Li probably would have held him in his arms.”
They all laughed and continued.
“He definitely got slept with, right? Who was it? That person was too rough. But Chun Di Lin is quite shameless—running to class in that condition.”
“You don’t understand. Someone like Chun Di Lin, who could only get into the Imperial College because of his relatives, obviously wants to find a powerful patron in the capital. When he lived next to the Young Duke Yue, he tried to seduce him every day. After the Young Duke left, he started trying to seduce the students in the Upper House. Many people say they see him running to those dorms every day. Today is just another trick. Maybe someone will see how pathetic and ‘pretty’ he looks and take pity on him.”
They laughed loudly again.
“Let’s go. There’s still time before the next class. Let’s get some tea and rest.”
After they left, I got up from the bench. I had been biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood.
When the day ended, I got into the carriage to go back to my uncle’s house. I had forced myself to stay awake all day, and as soon as I sat down, I fainted. When I woke up, it was the next morning.
Liangji and Baichi were by my side. When they saw me wake up, they brought water and towels. I felt weak and they helped me sit up.
Liangji said I had caught a “cold wind” and gotten sick. My uncle had called a doctor, and the doctor had already given me medicine. My uncle also told Liangji that even though it was the Mid-Autumn Festival, I didn’t have to go to the family dinner. I could eat in my room.
I stayed silent. When Liangji left, I asked Baichi, “Where is your master?”
Baichi gave a forced smile. “The master is at the palace right now.”
“He didn’t come back yesterday either?” I asked.
Baichi nodded.
I turned over to face the wall. “I see. You can go now.”
Baichi stayed by the bed for a moment. Before leaving, he said quietly, “Young Master Chun, I’ll leave this here. Please remember to use it.”
Baichi left a jar of ointment. At first, I didn’t realize why I needed it. Later, when I took a bath and the water touched me, I realized the ointment was for the swelling and pain.
Suddenly, my face felt like it was burning with shame.
If Baichi hadn’t given me the medicine, I could have pretended that Qingqiu and Baichi didn’t know I was sleeping with Lin Chongtan. But with the medicine in my hand, that shameful secret was completely exposed.
I even wondered what they said about me in private. They must say Lin Chongtan works hard, and they probably think I am cheap—a man who willingly lies under another man.
My roommates called me “shameless,” and Wenle Nie called me a “slut.” They must know something. The more I thought about it, the more lost and scared I felt. I wanted to ask Lin Chongtan what to do, but he wasn’t there.
The holiday lasted three days. I didn’t see Lin Chongtan until late at night on the last day.
The noise of him entering woke up Liangji, who was sleeping in the outer room. I wasn’t asleep yet; I was copying the lines I was assigned. Teacher Li had not only made me stand in the hall but also ordered me to copy texts. My palm had been swollen for several days from the ruler. Combined with my weak body, I couldn’t even hold a pen before. Only today could I finally write.
Liangji was clearly surprised that Lin Chongtan had come so late. His sleepy voice sounded shocked. “Second Master? Why are you here?”
“Where is Xiao Di?”
“Young Master Chun is inside.”
“Liangji, go sleep in the next room. I have something to say to Xiao Di. I’m afraid I’ll disturb you.”
Liangji was very simple. As soon as Lin Chongtan said that, he left. Before leaving, he even asked if Lin Chongtan wanted tea.
A moment later, I heard footsteps approaching, but I didn’t look up. I kept writing.
“Xiao Di.”
I ignored him.
“Xiao Di.”
He reached out and grabbed my shoulder. When I couldn’t break free, I angrily turned around and bit his arm. Lin Chongtan didn’t pull away; he let me bite him. After a while, I felt it was pointless and let go, turning my face away.
But Lin Chongtan had the nerve to hug me and even pulled me onto his lap.
“Go away!” I was afraid Liangji next door would hear, so I didn’t struggle too hard. Lin Chongtan seemed to know this. He kept holding me and gently patted my back.
“I’m sorry, Xiao Di. I’ve been so busy these past few days that I couldn’t leave. Is your body feeling better?”
I blinked rapidly, but I couldn’t hold back my tears.
Seeing me cry, Lin Chongtan quietly wiped my tears away and apologized again for being late. I didn’t want to talk to him, so I just looked away.
Suddenly, he noticed the red swelling on my palm that had almost faded.
“Did Teacher Li hit you?” Lin Chongtan’s voice turned cold.
I still didn’t answer. Lin Chongtan didn’t say anything else, but he took out some medicine and applied it to my hand. He was so gentle, as if I were a piece of jewelry. Finally, he kissed my wrist. I was frozen for a long time, but eventually, I couldn’t help asking him, “What did you mean by what you said that night?”
Lin Chongtan is a smart man. He should know what I was asking about.
He paused, tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and said casually, “How many times did Teacher Li make you copy?”
My breathing became fast. “Answer the question I just asked. Lin Chongtan, that night when you said you would give me to the Prince. Were you serious?”
I thought he would say “of course not.” I thought he would say it was just a trick to get the Prince to leave. But in fact, Lin Chongtan said nothing. He was just silent.