Smiling Girl's grin shrunk significantly, a rare crack appearing in her manic facade. She stared at Tony, her left eye twitching.
"Uh... wait. You seriously don't remember smashing a giant, skyscraper-sized alien? The one that just leveled several city blocks?! Hahaha... ahahaha... what?!"
The Maniacal Girl's bloodthirsty smirk completely dissolved, replaced by a rare look of genuine bewilderment. She took a cautious step back from Tony, eyeing him warily.
"Whoa, Cupcake. You are way more messed up than I am. Like... serial killer, true-crime documentary type of messed up."
Tony blinked his big, glittering pink eyes, thoroughly offended.
"How did you even make that jump?!"
From her spot on the slime-covered asphalt, Grey Girl sighed heavily without opening her eyes.
"You should actually hear her," she muttered. "She's been rolling around this entire time yelling and panicking about some person named Alice."
The Stoic Samurai tapped a gloved finger against her chin.
"Hmm. Alice... as in the school's smiling heartthrob? I know of her. Perhaps I should assist you in locating her?"
Tony's face instantly lit up.
He gasped.
His eyes sparkled with blinding, overwhelming adoration.
"Yes! Please do! I need to find her right away so I can show her exactly how much I love her!"
Right beside him, Smiling Girl internally screamed.
Nope.
Absolutely not.
She quickly stepped in, her voice dripping with forced, desperate cheerfulness.
"Uh! We should probably be careful, though! I mean, who knows what Pink over here is actually like under that frilly dress? Can you imagine this unhinged pink nuke stalking some poor, innocent girl?!"
Pink snapped his head toward her.
His eyes narrowed.
"What I am doing is COMPLETELY reasonable!"
Smiling Girl barked out a hysterical laugh.
"That somehow made it worse!"
Pink huffed.
"You just don't understand true love!"
"Oh, I understand being terrified!" Smiling Girl shot back.
Tony paused.
"...Wait, why are you so invested in this hypothetical girl?"
Smiling Girl froze.
Her smile twitched.
"Because!"
She pointed dramatically at him.
"Because you flattened a giant alien over a joke! I think every girl within a fifty-mile radius should be concerned!"
Tony opened his mouth.
Closed it.
"...Fair."
The Maniacal Girl burst out laughing.
"HAHA! Cupcake got hit with emotional damage!"
"I did not!"
"You absolutely did."
Tony crossed his arms and looked around at the group.
"Wait... are all of us like this?"
The Stoic Samurai was quiet for a moment.
Finally she spoke.
"I feel detached."
Her voice was calm.
"Not numb."
"I know emotions exist. I remember them."
She stared down at her armored gloves.
"But they feel distant."
"A thing I understand."
"Not a thing I possess."
Tony blinked.
"...That's kinda sad."
The samurai nodded.
"It is."
From behind a dumpster, Hopeless Girl sniffled loudly.
"I feel like a total fraud!"
Fresh tears welled up instantly.
"I'm a teacher and I don't know what I'm doing! I accidentally blew up half a city block! I'm an imposter and everyone is eventually going to figure it out!"
She buried her face in her hands.
"Waaaaaah!"
The Maniacal Girl shrugged.
"Nah."
Everyone looked at her.
She grinned.
"I think this rules."
Tony stared.
"You WHAT?!"
"I got taller."
She held up her rocket launcher proudly.
"I can summon rockets."
She grinned wider.
"Aliens are real."
Wider.
"And I blew one up!"
Tony looked horrified.
"You are terrifying."
"Thank you!"
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT AS A COMPLIMENT!"
"Too late."
Tony groaned, clutching his head.
"Oh my god..."
He looked from the crying teacher...
to the emotionally detached samurai...
to the cheerful psychopath...
to the girl permanently smiling through obvious psychological distress...
and finally to Grey Girl.
"At least you're normal."
Grey Girl slowly opened one eye.
Her expression was utterly empty.
"I feel profoundly empty."
Everyone went silent.
Grey Girl stared up at the sky.
"There is a giant hole where excitement should be."
She yawned.
"I don't care that aliens invaded."
"Don't care that I became magical."
"Don't care if the city explodes."
Long pause.
"I mostly wish I was asleep."
Another pause.
"Actually..."
She rolled onto her side.
"I am asleep."
Her eye closed.
Within seconds:
Soft snoring.
Tony stared.
"...Is she okay?"
The Maniacal Girl shrugged.
"Probably not."
The Stoic Samurai nodded.
"Almost certainly not."
Hopeless Girl cried harder.
Smiling Girl laughed nervously.
Tony looked up at the ruined city around them.
The smoking craters.
The alien slime.
The destroyed buildings.
The six deeply dysfunctional magical girls.
And finally asked the question that had been haunting him since this insane day began.
"Oh my god..."
"How did we even survive that alien attack?"