Shen Nanxing came down with a fever on a Wednesday.
When she got up that morning, her throat felt as though it had been rubbed raw with sandpaper, and her head felt heavy. Xiaobao had kicked off his blanket during the night, so she had gotten up three times to cover him; Dabao had said before bed that he needed to recite from memory the next day, so she had accompanied him in reviewing until eleven. When the alarm woke her before dawn, she sat on the edge of the bed for quite a while before barely managing to stand.
Seeing that her complexion looked poor, mother-in-law said, “Have you caught a cold?”
“A little.” Shen Nanxing poured water and took her medicine. “It’s nothing.”
“Then take the day off.” Mother-in-law said that with her mouth, but her next sentence was, “But if you take the day off, who will take Yichen? My back hurts today, and walking too far is uncomfortable.”
Shen Nanxing swallowed the tablet, its bitterness catching at the root of her tongue.
“I’ll take him.”
Gu Cheng'an came out of the room, fastening his shirt cuff. He glanced at Shen Nanxing. “Your face is really red.”
“A low-grade fever.”
“Can you hold out?”
Shen Nanxing smiled faintly. “The hospital is short-staffed.”
Gu Cheng'an was silent for half a second before saying, “Then take care of yourself and drink more water.”
He was not wrong, and there was nothing particularly blameworthy about what he said. Yet Shen Nanxing still felt very cold at that moment. She did not want him to take the day off for her, nor did she want him to immediately put down his work. She only hoped he would ask one more question: Do you want me to take the children? Do you want me to tell the department colleagues for you?
He did not.
She took the two children to school and kindergarten, then hurried to the hospital. While changing into her nurse's uniform, she touched her forehead. It was hotter than in the morning. But the department colleagues were short-handed that day: one nurse was on maternity leave, and another nurse had been temporarily pulled away to support the outpatient clinic. She simply could not bring herself to ask.
Once she got busy, her physical discomfort was temporarily suppressed. She performed blood draws and administered IV fluids for patients, and measured their vital signs. Her voice was hoarser than usual, but remained clear. It was not until two in the afternoon, when she came out of the treatment room, that her vision suddenly went black for a moment.
Xiao Zhou hurriedly caught her. “Teacher Shen!”
Shen Nanxing braced herself against the wall and took a few seconds to recover. “I’m fine. Maybe low blood sugar.”
“Your face is burning.” Xiao Zhou frowned. “Do you have a fever?”
“Just a little.”
“You call this just a little? Go take your temperature.”
Shen Nanxing did not want to delay work, but she could not get around Xiao Zhou. The thermometer showed thirty-eight point seven degrees Celsius. Xiao Zhou was startled. “You’re still working like this?”
Shen Nanxing put the thermometer away. “I took some medicine. It’ll come down in a while.”
Xiao Zhou looked at her with a complicated expression. “Teacher Shen, you’re far too good at enduring things.”
Shen Nanxing wanted to say that it was not that she was good at enduring things; she simply did not dare not to.
Taking one day off meant a deduction from her performance assessment, a shift that had to be rearranged, and trouble for her colleagues. When she returned home, the children still had to be picked up, dinner still had to be made, and homework still had to be supervised. Her collapsing would not make things stop. It would only cause everything to pile up until after she recovered, or be recorded by others with the three words “unreliable.”
At dusk, she dragged her heavy body home. Mother-in-law was sitting in the living room showing Xiaobao cartoons. When she saw Shen Nanxing return, her first words were, “You’re finally back. Yiming has a lot of homework today, and I can’t keep an eye on him.”
Shen Nanxing nearly lost her balance while changing her shoes.
“I’ll take my temperature first.”
Only then did mother-in-law take a careful look at her. “You’re still running a fever? Then stay away from the children. Don’t infect them.”
Gu Cheng'an returned home after nine that evening. Shen Nanxing had already taken fever-reducing medicine and was sitting beside Dabao checking his homework. A cooling gel patch covered her forehead, and her voice was hoarse.
Gu Cheng'an frowned. “Why aren’t you resting?”
“Yiming has a dictation test tomorrow.”
“Let him memorize it himself.”
Dabao immediately lowered his head and said nothing when he heard that. Shen Nanxing looked up at Gu Cheng'an. “He’s only in first grade.”
Gu Cheng'an said nothing more. He went to the kitchen to pour water, and when he came out, he placed the cup in front of her. “Drink some warm water.”
Shen Nanxing looked at the cup of water and suddenly felt like crying.
She did not dare collapse from illness.
Because in this family, when she fell, the first thing people noticed would not be whether she was in pain, but what to do about all the things no one else would take over.