Although the Regent’s carriage was luxurious and spacious, at this moment it was surrounded by a mob of servants wielding wooden clubs.
“Unfilial daughter! Get down here! Leave the gold ingots behind!”
With disheveled hair and wearing only one shoe, Prime Minister Su stood at the main gate, roaring hysterically. He had fainted from rage earlier, but the moment he woke up and remembered those fifty thousand taels of gold, he sat up like a dying man clinging to life, bursting with astonishing potential to chase them all the way to the entrance.
That was his money! The sole reliance for the rest of his life!
Inside the carriage, Su Tang calmly shelled a peanut and tossed it into her mouth.
Tsk tsk tsk, panicking already? Didn’t you just fainted a second ago? It seems the power of money is truly boundless—it can make a paralyzed old geezer fly on his feet.
Sitting opposite her, Lu Ci held a scroll of military strategy, not even bothering to lift an eyelid. “Should this Prince have someone throw him out?”
“Don’t!” Su Tang stopped him, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “The main event hasn’t even started yet. Throwing him out now would spoil all the fun.”
Tongzi, have those two ‘big melons’ arrived yet?
System: Already on the way! Five seconds until they reach the battlefield!
Sure enough, the very next second, a flurry of rushed footsteps echoed from the far end of the street.
“Brother! Brother, are you alright? I heard that unfilial daughter stripped the house clean?!”
A middle-aged man wearing a brocade robe and sporting a handlebar mustache ran over, gasping for breath. It was none other than Prime Minister Su’s younger brother, Second Uncle Su.
Following behind him was a chubby kid of twelve or thirteen, holding a half chewed pig’s trotter in his hand, his mouth glistening with grease. “Uncle! Who dares steal our family’s money? I’ll bite him to death!”
This was the “sole male heir” Prime Minister Su treasured like the apple of his eye—Su Bao.
Seeing these two, Prime Minister Su looked as if he had spotted his saviors. “Second Brother! Bao’er! Quick! Quick, help me stop this unfilial daughter! She stole our Su family’s life savings!”
Hearing that the family savings had been stolen, Second Uncle Su’s eyes turned blood-red. Rolling up his sleeves, he charged forward. “Well played, Su Tang! A married daughter is like spilled water—how dare you return to rob your maiden family’s money? Do you have no respect for the law!”
Su Bao chimed in with the uproar, “Pay up! Pay up! That’s the money saved for me to take a wife!”
The carriage curtain was gently lifted by a fair, jade-like hand.
Su Tang leaned out halfway, looking at this “loving” family with a sweet smile.
“Second Uncle, Brother Bao’er, you arrived just in time.” Su Tang’s voice was crisp and melodious, sounding exceptionally clear amid the noisy commotion at the gate. “Father just said I’m a monster and wanted to sever ties with me. Since ties are severed, the Su family’s estate should naturally belong to those with virtue.”
“Bullshit!” Second Uncle Su jumped and cursed. “The Su family has an heir! Bao’er is the eldest grandson of the Su family! The estate will all be his in the future! What right do you, an outsider, have to take it?”
“Oh? Eldest grandson?”
The smile at the corner of Su Tang’s mouth deepened, her gaze darting back and forth between Second Uncle Su and Su Bao’s faces.
Elders and fellow villagers, step right up and don’t miss out! Come play spot the difference, everyone! Take a look at these two faces—don’t they share some magical similarities?
The onlookers had originally just been watching the spectacle, but hearing this, they all turned their gazes toward Second Uncle Su and Su Bao.
One look, and goodness gracious.
“Huh? Second Uncle Su has a flat nose bridge, and this Su Bao also has a flat nose bridge…” “Second Uncle Su has prominent ears, and Su Bao also has prominent ears…” “Even those slanted eyebrows and that mouthful of buckteeth look identical!” “Holy crap! What kind of uncle and nephew are they? This is clearly father and son!”
The chatter grew louder and louder, eventually converging into a buzzing wave of sound.
Prime Minister Su, who had still been shouting, froze mid-action as the surrounding chatter hit his ears.
He slowly turned his head, looking at the “son” he had doted on for over a decade, and then at his own birth brother.
In the past, he had never doubted it because Su Bao was born prematurely and didn’t look like him. Lady Liu had claimed it was because the child took after his uncle, and there was a popular saying that “a nephew resembles his uncle.”
But now, as the two stood side by side, that blood-bound resemblance hit like a resounding slap, slamming hard against his face.
In that instant, the color on Prime Minister Su’s face visibly transformed.
First a blood-flushed red, followed by a deadly pale, and finally… turning into a bizarre, vibrant, ghastly green.
Pfft, hahahahaha!
Su Tang laughed wildly in her heart.
Green! He turned green! Is this the legendary ‘if you want life to go right, you must wear a bit of green on your head’?
Tongzi, slap the paternity test report right onto his face!
System: Gossip update! Second Uncle Su and Lady Liu hooked up as far back as fifteen years ago! Because Prime Minister Su took random medications, he was already incompetent, so Su Bao is genuinely Second Uncle Su’s flesh and blood! What’s more, the two planned to wait until Prime Minister Su was angered to death so Second Uncle Su could inherit the noble title, uniting their family of three!
Su Tang cleared her throat, deciding to perform one final good deed.
“Father,” she looked at Prime Minister Su, whose face was glowing a brilliant green, with a look of pure sympathy. “Don’t be angry. Although the money is gone, and although your daughter isn’t biologically yours, and although your son isn’t biologically yours either… at least you still have a birth brother! Look how good he is to you—he even helped you with the exhausting work of ‘continuing the family line.’ You ought to thank him.”
“Pfft!”
Prime Minister Su could no longer endure the unbearable greenness of life.
Opening his mouth wide, he sprayed out a three-foot mist of blood. As if his bones had been removed, he fell straight backward.
“Brother!” Second Uncle Su was startled, instinctively reaching out to catch him.
“Get lost! Get the hell away from me!” Summoning the last bit of his strength, Prime Minister Su squeezed Second Uncle Su’s neck in a death grip, his eyes bloodshot like a ghost. “You beast! You adulterous couple! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you both!”
The two instantly tumbled into a brawl, while Su Bao cried hysterically off to the side in terror.
The scene descended into utter chaos, rivaling a street market brawl.
“Tsk tsk tsk, what a family disgrace.” Su Tang shook her head and let down the carriage curtain. “Your Highness, let us depart. This play is too trashy—no fun at all.”
Looking at her troublemaking, chaos-loving demeanor, a subtle, helpless smile flickered in the depths of Lu Ci’s eyes.
“An Yi.”
“Subordinate is present.”
“Convey this Prince’s verbal command: The Su family possesses no shame and lacks virtue. Effective today, strip all official positions and noble titles from the Su family, demote them to commoners, and never employ them again.”
“Understood!”
This single decree completely severed the Su family’s final path of survival.
The carriage clattered into motion, leaving far behind that mansion filled with lies and betrayal, alongside that nauseating farce.
Inside the carriage.
Su Tang was counting her gold ingots, feeling thoroughly delighted.
Although this return to my parental home was a bit eventful, the harvest was bountiful! Not only did I get the money back, but I also got to watch the drama of the year.
Next up is the border instance!
I wonder if that Zhenbei General who supposedly died in battle really faked his death? If he’s truly not dead, there must be some secret deal between him and Lu Ci… Hehe, more melons to eat!
Leaning against the soft cushion, Lu Ci looked at the scenery receding rapidly outside the window, his eyes gradually turning deep and icy.
The border.
That was the real slaughterhouse.
As for that “corpse-revived” general Su Tang was so eagerly anticipating…
The corners of Lu Ci’s lips curled slightly.
He hoped that when the time came, she wouldn’t be scared into crying her eyes out.
…
Three days later, the army set up camp at Wild Wolf Valley, thirty miles from the border.
To facilitate her movements (mainly to make it easier to eavesdrop on gossip), Su Tang changed into a dusty, plain soldier’s uniform, took the pseudonym “Little Brother Su,” and blended into Lu Ci’s personal guard battalion.
As night fell, the moon was dark and the wind blew high.
Having drunk too much water, Su Tang was blushing red from holding it in. Taking advantage of a gap in the patrols, she sneaked out of her tent and slipped into the small woods behind the encampment.
Phew… So refreshing!
Having taken care of her business, Su Tang had just pulled up her pants when she heard a rustling sound from the bushes not far away. Immediately after came a deliberately lowered male voice:
“Damned Lu Ci! He actually dared to lead the expedition as commander! Once I reach the Barbarian camp and present the defense map to the Khan, I will make sure he never returns!”
The hand Su Tang used to hold her waistband trembled.
Holy crap?!
Treason and colluding with the enemy?
She quietly parted the bushes and looked through the moonlight.
She saw a burly man with a scar on his left cheek, stealthily stuffing something into a grain transport cart.
Su Tang’s eyes widened.
This face… this scar…
Tongzi! Isn’t this Zhenbei General Zhao Tiezhu, who was listed as ‘killed in battle’ on the portrait?!
He’s not dead? And he’s going to the Barbarians to hand over the defense map?!
Wait… what is he pouring into the grain cart? White powder?
System: Ding! Chemical components detected! That is enhanced croton powder, commonly known as ‘Laxative MAX’! Once eaten, the whole army will suffer diarrhea until their intestines slip out!
Su Tang sucked in a cold breath.
Good grief! Is this Zhao Tiezhu a true disciple of Lin Wan’er? Why do all the villains love using laxatives? How despicable!
Just then, Zhao Tiezhu seemed to notice something. He whipped his head around, his eyes glaring fiercely toward the direction where Su Tang was hiding.
“Who’s there?!”
“Come out!”
A cold, gleaming dagger flew straight toward Su Tang!