“Uncle, this is my little invention, the Language Hand…”
The background music in the video was cheerful and playful, perfectly complementing the streamer’s sarcastic and taunting content. It was absolutely devastating.
Bullet comments flooded the screen, feeling embarrassed for Yan Xingli. Even when the police arrest criminals, they try to avoid having their family members present to preserve a shred of dignity.
The current situation was no different from a public execution.
“I’m serious, Yan Xingli, maybe you should just quit acting. With a face like yours, you’d be better off as a model or a small-time influencer than this.”
“Oh, my cursed empathy… My heart aches for Yu Yu, finding out her uncle is academically challenged with no warning.”
“Uncle.”
Feeling Qi Youyu’s gaze on him, Yan Xingli pressed his slender, fair fingers against the screen. He looked sideways calmly, his expression composed. “Hmm?”
The little kid grabbed his arm, her dark eyes filled with admiration. “Uncle, you’re so awesome! You actually scored fifty-five points!”
Whoever said her uncle was stupid? He wasn’t stupid at all.
For Leilei’s dream school, the Mecha Academy, the written exam passing score was sixty. Getting fifty-five was almost a perfect score.
There were only ten such little geniuses in the entire Cang Ai planet.
Qi Youyu didn’t understand Earth’s exam system. Her mind was completely occupied with the fact that her uncle was a genius. Overjoyed, she wished she could run and tell everyone.
Yan Xingli was dumbfounded.
“Me? Awesome???”
The bullet comments were flooded with question marks: “Pfft, haha, kids are really kids. She probably thinks even five points is a lot, let alone fifty-five.”
“Yes, you’re super awesome!” Yuyu’s voice was loud and clear.
The child looked completely serious, with no trace of deliberate flattery. She was incredibly sincere.
“Oh, and this big brother is apologizing to you. Are you going to forgive him?”
Following her little chubby hand, Yan Xingli looked down. The child had swiped back the video he had scrolled away.
The unlucky uncle’s mouth twitched. “Where did you get that he’s apologizing to me?”
The whole thing was clearly him being sarcastic, calling him a nine-year compulsory education dropout.
Qi Youyu said, “He said he misunderstood you.”
“…Uh… isn’t this taking things out of context??”
Yuyu had let all the earlier explanation go in one ear and out the other, only latching onto the parts she liked to hear, especially the word ‘misunderstanding’.
It was a word her mother taught her before she left.
Yan Xingli ruffled Qi Youyu’s round head. “Do you think I should forgive him?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Uncle’s heart is hurt.” The child clenched her little fist sternly, looking quite serious. “When your heart is hurt, you need lots of hugs and kisses to get better, and you need to spray it with fragrant fried chicken.”
Yan Xingli sat the child on his lap, a hint of laughter creeping into his voice. “Your heart needs fried chicken. Mine doesn’t.”
Yuyu looked up. “Then you need my hugs and kisses.”
“I don’t.”
The little kid frowned and suddenly bumped her head against his chest. “Yes, you do.”
“I don’t.”
The two went back and forth, Yan Xingli grinning, impervious to her persuasion.
Yuyu puffed up her cheeks and threatened, “Uncle, if you keep this up, I won’t let you pinch my chubby cheeks anymore.”
Don’t think she didn’t know; her uncle absolutely loved her squishy, bouncy, chubby cheeks. He was always secretly pinching them.
“She’s really mad now.”
“Quick! Pacify! Her!”
There was no escaping it. Yan Xingli’s chest was numb from the child’s headbutt, but his heart felt warm and full.
He pulled Yuyu closer against his chest. “If you keep headbutting, your little head is going to split open. Alright, alright, let me rephrase, okay?”
The proud uncle suppressed his embarrassment and, under the gaze of tens of thousands of viewers, used cheesy words to coax the child until she was satisfied.
As soon as the live stream ended, Li Zhi’s phone call came in. As usual, she gave a long list of reminders. At the end of the call, she couldn’t hide her delight.
“Signing up for this variety show was the right move. Because of Yuyu, your public image has improved a lot these past two days.”
“Have you checked Weibo? You gained sixty thousand followers.”
Yan Xingli said, “Haven’t looked.”
“Make sure to do some fun bits with Yuyu when you have time. Try to attract more casual fans. Once your casual fan base is bigger, good scripts will come your way.”
Li Zhi continued, “Oh, and here’s some good news. The company has arranged a seven-day intensive acting course for you. You can report there after the variety show finishes.”
Yan Xingli raised an eyebrow slightly. “Just classes? Nothing else?”
Li Zhi said, “That’s it for now.”
“Got it.” After hanging up, Yan Xingli maintained his cool expression, but inside, he felt like a hive of wild bees was buzzing with excitement.
Seven days of classes were way less stressful than filming. Wasn’t this basically a vacation in disguise?
Yan Xingli slumped bonelessly on the sofa, as if trying to merge with it, daydreaming about how to spend his seven-day break.
His phone vibrated again.
This time, it was Yan Shanyi calling.
Seeing his financial backer calling, Yan Xingli quickly sat up straight, cleared his throat, and solemnly pressed the answer button.
“Yan Xingli, whose child is Yuyu?”
“Why does she call you uncle?”
Thinking the call was about the ‘千金’ (Qian Jin, meaning ‘precious daughter’) and ‘饿了么’ (Eleme), he hadn’t expected her to deviate from the script.
Yan Xingli started fabricating an answer immediately, managing to utter a few words: “It’s a long story.”
“Make it short.”
“Yuyu is my friend’s child.”
Yan Shanyi asked, “You have friends who aren’t single?”
She had watched the entire prelude live stream yesterday without skipping a frame and was certain Yuyu didn’t resemble anyone around him.
Though her eyebrows did bear some resemblance to her foolish younger brother.
Yan Xingli scratched his head anxiously, closed his eyes, and said, “He’s a single dad. It’s someone else’s privacy; I can’t just tell you.”
Her good upbringing made Yan Shanyi reluctant to pry into others’ privacy.
But Yan Xingli was a different story.
Yan Shanyi’s eyes grew deep and obscure, her cold voice betraying no emotion. “Mm, so you’re sure that child has no blood relation to you whatsoever?”
“Of course not!”
Yan Xingli denied it vehemently. “I’ve never even had a girlfriend! Where would I get a kid that big?”
He understood now. This call was almost certainly instigated by his parents.
They probably thought Yuyu looked like him and were worried he’d done something earth-shattering behind their backs.
Knowing her own younger brother, Yan Shanyi also doubted Yan Xingli had the nerve for anything like that.
She paused for a moment, choosing her words carefully, and asked, “Have you ever donated sperm?”
“???”
“Of course not! Why would I donate that?!”
Even if he were desperate, he wouldn’t do that.
Yan Xingli’s face flushed bright red with embarrassment. He jumped up, gesticulating and swearing oaths to the heavens, practically ready to prove his innocence with his death.
Yan Shanyi rubbed her temples heavily.
“Good, as long as you haven’t.”
“Anyway, try not to cause me any more trouble.”
The fact that Yan Xingli had ventured into the entertainment industry wasn’t a secret in their wealthy social circle. Everyone knew each other’s backgrounds. Since the Yan family hadn’t announced it publicly, they wouldn’t spread the news either.
The problem was Yan Xingli suddenly bringing a child onto a variety show.
That child called him ‘uncle’ non-stop and looked like a round, adorable milk candy. Her delicate features were clearly those of a Yan family member.
Yan Xingli’s parents couldn’t help but suspect Yuyu was Yan Shanyi’s illegitimate daughter.
The way they looked at their own daughter had become strange.
Especially since Yan Shanyi spent most of the year abroad and had mentioned more than once that she wanted to buy high-quality sperm, have a child without a father, and let the daughter inherit the family business.
So, this black hat ended up being placed on “her” head.
Yan Xingli hummed, “Mm-hmm, yeah, okay,” just to get through the conversation.
“The food you cook is too sloppy. I’ll send Wang Ma over to look after the child.”
“No.” Yan Xingli didn’t even think about it. No way. Having an extra person in the house increased the risk of Yuyu’s identity being exposed.
He absolutely couldn’t let that happen.
Afraid Yan Shanyi would press further, Yan Xingli made up a bunch of nonsense, shifting all the blame onto the production crew.
After dealing with Yan Shanyi, Yan Xingli suddenly realized the house was eerily quiet.
Where was the child?
He called out a few times but got no response.
Yan Xingli strode quickly to the guest room and pushed open the door. The sight inside made his eyelid twitch.
“Yuyu, didn’t we agree you wouldn’t let Little Fish out this month?”
He stared at the camera setup, his heart pounding.
From inside the floating Little Fish device came Qi Youyu’s voice: “Uncle, the camera is sleeping. It can’t see us.”
Nowadays, ultra-long standby electronic devices are everywhere. Just because they looked off, who knew if it was just a trick?
To be safe, Yan Xingli found two towels and covered the cameras.
Xiao Hua, who had been watching nearby, was puzzled by this redundant action. It seemed pointless to him.
Were these primitive, outdated items worth such treatment?
“What are you doing in there?”
“You’ll find out tomorrow, Uncle.”
The raw materials might have been basic, but the finished product definitely wasn’t.
Qi Youyu carefully tucked the freshly made language bracelet into her pocket, planning to surprise her uncle the next day.
ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
The next day, Yan Xingli received a task card instructing him to take the child to an amusement park.
Yan Xingli wasn’t surprised. Taking a kid anywhere inevitably meant an amusement park. Before leaving, he did some research online to confirm which rides were suitable for children and which weren’t.
Before heading out, Yan Xingli applied two layers of sunscreen to his face and neck. UV rays were just as strong in winter; without proper protection, he’d tan easily.
His next role was a sickly, dark-hearted character, so his skin needed to be extremely pale.
Yuyu stood on the child step stool and leaned her chubby face in. “Uncle, I want some too.”
“Okay, I’ll put a little on you.”
Children’s skin was delicate; just a thin layer was enough.
As the two interacted, the cameraman cleverly zoomed in on Yan Xingli’s face for a close-up.
His skin was so fine pores were nearly invisible. With his straight nose and pale pink lips, illuminated by the morning light, he looked like a beautiful painting.
The live stream chat exploded with fans praising his looks.
“Ahahaha, big brother is the Greek god of beauty!”
“Hee hee, the god of beauty descends! Taking a screenshot for my wallpaper!
Xiao Hua, quietly monitoring the live stream comments, reported to Yuyu via brainwave.
Xiao Hua: “Lady Yuyu, Brother Xing’s younger sisters are praising him as the god of beauty.”
Yuyu puffed out her little chest with pride: “Yes, my uncle is just that amazing.”
“Xiao Hua, does Uncle have many younger sisters?”
“Yes. According to不完全 statistics, he has four million younger sisters, five million wives, two million mothers, and one million older sisters.”
Qi Youyu gasped.
“Th-That many?”
What a flourishing family tree!
At the amusement park, Yan Xingli planned to take the child to ride the bumper cars.
However, Qi Youyu glanced at them, lost interest, and enthusiastically pointed to a crowded area nearby.
“Uncle, let’s go play over there!”
It was a sandpit full of children.
Yan Xingli’s heart sank a little. He had carefully chosen the bumper cars, thinking they could crash and run, minimizing unnecessary social interaction.
Before he could think more about it, the child had already run off eagerly.
Yan Xingli followed closely, paid the fee, and found a spot to squat.
He watched Qi Youyu shovel sand from one bucket to another, repeating the process endlessly, and found it baffling.
Looking around, he thought, Wow, we’ve got a mud worker, a bricklayer, an excavator operator, and a painter all gathered here!
Feeling completely out of place, Yan Xingli shut up, took out his phone, and started scrolling boredly. He wasn’t sure how long had passed, but when he looked up again, Qi Youyu was playing with a little blonde, blue-eyed foreign girl.
The little girl didn’t seem to speak Chinese, occasionally uttering a word or two in a foreign language.
But that didn’t hinder the two little ones from communicating at all. They happily exchanged sand toys, a heartwarming scene.
“The little foreigner is so cute, like a little Barbie doll!”
“Seamless cross-border communication, this scene is so beautiful QAQ, may there be world peace!”
The live stream chat achieved a rare moment of harmony and peace.
In an inconspicuous corner, a boy suddenly popped up, grabbed the shovel from Little Barbie’s hand without a word.
Little Barbie was stunned for a moment but didn’t make a fuss. She turned around to find another shovel.
Then the brat acted up again, snatching the toy truck Little Barbie was using to hold sand.
Qi Youyu was shocked.
What kind of move was that? Yuyu was puzzled. Why did some kids like to steal?
Little Barbie looked at the boy with her big blue eyes, pouted, swallowed her委屈, and tried to communicate with him.
The boy, who couldn’t understand her language, ignored her completely.
Unable to watch any longer, Qi Youyu poked the boy. “Who are you? Why are you taking Sister Xiaofu’s toys?”
The boy turned around arrogantly. “None of your business! If I want it, it’s mine!”
“WTF, whose bratty kid is this? So rude! My blood pressure is spiking!”
“Yan Xingli, what are you waiting for? Go slap that bratty kid!”
Even a patient kid would get angry about having toys snatched repeatedly. The three-foot-tall Yuyu frowned deeply and shielded Little Barbie behind her.
When the boy first started grabbing toys, Yan Xingli had been scanning the area for the parents. He’d looked around several times and hadn’t seen anyone who seemed to be the boy’s guardian.
Yan Xingli put away his phone and perked up his ears, curious to see how the usually good-tempered Qi Youyu would handle the conflict.
The little kid glared fiercely at the other child. “Do you believe I’ll yell at you? I’m really fierce!”
The boy snorted disdainfully, tilting his nose up. “What are you gonna say?”
Qi Youyu puffed out her chest, hands on her hips, exuding attitude:
“I’ll say: You’re bad, bad, bad! You’re the Evil Queen! I’ll feed you a poisoned apple!”
The boy looked at Yuyu like she was an idiot. “I’m a boy. I can’t be a queen.”
“Why can’t a boy be a queen?”
“Stupid, because I have a little pee-pee!”
Yuyu waved her little hand grandly. “I am the God of Pee-Pees! I hereby confiscate your little pee-pee!!”
“…”
“Hahaha, did Yuyu stay up all night memorizing these comebacks? I’m dying of laughter!”
The boy’s face turned red. “You can’t confiscate it! Just wait, I’ll go get my grandpa to come hit you!”
Qi Youyu quickly grabbed Little Barbie’s hand, retreated behind Yan Xingli, and stuck half her face out triumphantly:
“This is my uncle.”
“My uncle has lots of younger sisters, lots of wives, lots of mothers, and lots of older sisters, okay!”
“Hmm??”
“Brother, fly bravely, take responsibility yourself~.”
“ε＝ε＝ε＝ Yuyu darling, the sister-in-law army is here!!”
Yan Xingli cooperated by putting on a cold expression, staring darkly at the boy. “You want to bully my Yuyu?”
The oppressive aura of an adult male hit him, and the little boy’s face instantly paled, small tears welling up in his eyes.
“Wahahaha! Grandpa!” The boy dropped the toys and ran away, crying, stumbling over himself.
His uncle had driven away the little bully. Qi Youyu waved her little shovel excitedly. “Uncle, you’re a hero!”
“You’re the hero. You helped a friend who was being bullied.”
Yan Xingli was curious. “Oh, by the way, Yuyu, how did you know your new friend’s name is Xiaofu?”
Qi Youyu giggled without answering. She reached into her pocket, pulled out a bracelet, and put it on his wrist.
The moment it was on, a very faint, almost static-electricity-like tingle surprised Yan Xingli.
Then his mind went blank for a few seconds.
Yan Xingli shook his head, confused. The strange feeling disappeared again.
“Yuyu, what did you put on me?”
“A bracelet! My simplest little invention.”
“A bracelet isn’t really an invention; it’s not anything special. It’s just a replica at best. Yiwu has tons of those.”
“Don’t be so critical, okay? For a three-year-old to have such hands-on ability is already really good. She deserves encouragement.”
It definitely wasn’t a regular decorative bracelet.
Yan Xingli suppressed his other questions, deciding to ask more after the live stream ended.
“Afrika (Afrika)!”
A man with the same blonde hair and blue eyes, dressed in a sophisticated, high-quality suit, walked quickly, his calls unusually anxious.
Little Barbie’s face lit up. “Papa! Papa, I’m here!”
It was Little Barbie’s father.
The father and daughter happily embraced. Little Barbie nestled in her father’s arms, whispering rapidly.
The father’s expression shifted from serious to relieved that it was a false alarm, and finally to a look of gratitude directed at Yan Xingli and Yuyu.
Little Barbie’s father walked over to the duo and gave a slight bow. “Thank you.”
“Hey, that father and daughter aren’t speaking English.”
“An aspiring French major passing by. They’re speaking French. They’re thanking Yan Xingli in French.”
“LOL, Yan Xingli can’t even speak English. He’s definitely clueless when it comes to French.”
The camera captured a subtle change in Yan Xingli’s expression. Bullet comments flashed by with mockery and schadenfreude directed at him.
Only he knew what had happened.
Yan Xingli’s heart was pounding.
He understood.
Having never studied French, he wasn’t hearing a blur of fast, unfamiliar syllables. The meaning of each word was clearly transmitted to his brain, as if he had learned it without any teacher, as if he were born knowing French.
Could it be related to the bracelet Yuyu had given him?
Only one way to find out.
Yan Xingli swallowed, forced himself to stay calm, and opened his mouth.
When a string of elegant, fluent French came out, not just him, but the entire live stream paused for a moment.
“Ahahaha, holy crap! That French actually sounds pretty good!”
“??? Could Yan Xingli secretly be a French master?”
“Pfft, it was just a very common everyday response. Anyone could learn that easily. No need to simp so hard, right?”
Little Barbie’s father looked surprised, his eyes lighting up slightly. “I didn’t expect your French to be so good! Did you live in France for a while?”