Yuyu had a magical little pocket.
Yan Xingli was like a child who had gotten a new toy, so excited and elated that his cheeks felt hot. He chatted back and forth with Little Barbie’s father.
The trolls who had been active in the live stream chat moments ago fell silent collectively.
“Is there any French major expert here? How would they rate Yan Xingli’s spoken French?”
“I’m not an expert, but as a third-year French major at A University, I can say that I don’t hear any issues with his grammar, pronunciation, or rhythm. I’d believe he was a native French speaker.”
“Hurry! Can someone translate what they’re saying?”
Yan Xingli wasn’t naturally talkative. He was usually very reserved with strangers. But to him right now, Barbie’s dad wasn’t a stranger.
He was a tool to test out his new gadget.
The more Yan Xingli chatted, the more animated he became. Many words came out without even passing through his brain. By the time his excited mind cooled down, his WeChat contacts list had gained two new foreign friends, one big and one small.
Right. What exactly had he been talking about?
Yan Xingli lowered his head, trying to reconstruct the conversation.
A small hand tugged at his pants leg, pulling him forward. Qi Youyu urged, “Uncle, we need to hurry up. Let’s go.”
“What for? Where are we going?”
“To pick out a gift for Sister Xiaofu!”
Yan Xingli said, “What’s the occasion for picking out a gift?”
The little kid looked back at him, a hint of disapproval on her fair, chubby face. Her tone sounded a bit helpless.
“The day after tomorrow, we’re going to Sister Xiaofu’s birthday party. We can’t go empty-handed. That would be rude, Uncle.”
Was that a thing?
Yan Xingli scratched his cheek, trying hard to recall the monumental conversation from just now.
His phone vibrated slightly, showing a new WeChat message.
Yan Xingli opened it. Barbie’s dad had sent an e-invitation.
The time was 10 a.m. the day after tomorrow, at a villa area in S City.
Yan Xingli raised his hand and rubbed his forehead, sighing. It seemed he really had been overly excited and, in a moment of impulsiveness, had accepted an invitation from a stranger.
“Alright, let’s go then.”
Yuyu had taken it to heart, so he couldn’t back out now.
Yan Xingli had no experience picking out birthday gifts for little girls. He shamelessly played the role of the hands-off manager, delegating the entire task to Qi Youyu.
The two of them wandered around the mall, getting so hungry their stomachs were growling, but still couldn’t find a satisfactory gift.
The child sat on a bench in the mall, her little cowlick drooping, her whole face scrunched up in worry.
Yan Xingli pounded his own old arms and legs, turning his neck, which creaked audibly.
“I think that Barbie Princess set we saw earlier was pretty good. Little girls all like that. How about we give her that?”
“No.”
“That doll can’t move, can’t talk, can’t dance.” Qi Youyu shook her head. “I can’t give a gift that isn’t fun.”
Yan Xingli really didn’t want to spend another whole day shopping tomorrow. Suppressing the pain in his wallet, he gritted his teeth and said, “Then how about a crown? You know, the Elsa Princess crown that all you little girls like?”
He had secretly checked the price. Even a cheap one costs several thousand.
This suggestion seemed to hit the spot. Yuyu’s head shot up, her starry eyes fixed on him.
“Uncle, what kind of genius are you?”
The little kid pulled a candy from her pocket. “This is a reward for you. Don’t be shy.”
“…” Yan Xingli’s mouth twitched. “No need. I can buy my own candy.”
“Oh, okay.”
The child hopped off the bench, stood straight with her short legs planted wide, and radiated enthusiasm. “I’ve got it! I’m going to give Sister Xiaofu a Queen’s cape!”
It just so happened she hadn’t used up all the scrap materials. Wasting things was bad; she should make the best use of them.
Crafting the cape was now on Yuyu’s schedule.
Queen’s cape, the name alone suggested it was for a child’s clothing. Yan Xingli asked teasingly, “You have the skills of a seamstress too?”
Qi Youyu puffed up with pride. “Because I’m a little scientist. I’m super awesome!”
Yan Xingli didn’t respond. The smile on his lips gradually faded.
The shock the bracelet had given him had already made him fully aware of the weight of the words “little scientist.”
After the initial burst of joy, all he felt now was regret for bringing Yuyu on the variety show.
Yan Xingli’s mood grew heavy.
What if one day she accidentally showed off some game-changing, black-tech invention during the live stream, attracting the attention of the relevant authorities? That would be terrible.
Yuyu’s background couldn’t withstand scrutiny. She was a child who had suddenly appeared on Earth. No household registration, no birth certificate, no direct blood relatives.
She was, in every sense, a child with no official status.
Once Yan Xingli fell into a negative spiral, it was hard to get out. He started concocting all sorts of terrifying, tear-jerking scenarios in his head, working himself into a cold sweat.
He couldn’t delay any longer. He had to help Yuyu get registered as soon as possible.
Preoccupied with worry, Yan Xingli drove back to the apartment complex in silence. It was only when he reached the entrance that he realized he didn’t have his access card.
“Uncle, can we not get in?”
“Wait a moment.”
Yan Xingli lowered his head to search his bag. The child had already walked over to the security booth and said to the tall, imposing security guard:
“Uncle, please help. Open the door for Yuyu. Yuyu is going home.”
The security guard had been about to let them through anyway. Everyone in the complex knew each other by sight; it was basically a face-recognition system.
“Thank you, Uncle.” Yuyu took a small loaf of bread from her pocket and handed it to the guard. “Bye-bye.”
“How much food can Yuyu fit in that little pocket? It feels like she can pull out a snack anytime, hahaha.”
“The look her uncle gave her when she pulled out the snack was hilarious!”
The next second, Yan Xingli didn’t disappoint. He voiced the question on all the viewers’ minds.
“How much food have you stuffed in that little pocket?”
The usually generous child waved her hand this time. “That’s a little person’s secret. I’m not telling you.”
Back home, Xiao Hua had already prepared dinner. Yuyu was captivated by the aroma of the sumptuous feast on the table. As soon as she sat down, she started gobbling up her food. Yan Xingli, however, ate without tasting anything.
“Why does Yan Xingli look so troubled? He’s been off since they left the mall.”
“Never mind Yuyu’s uncle for now. A whole day has passed. Where’s the link to buy that robot? This generation of netizens is useless!”
Yan Xingli took the duration of the meal to adjust his mood. He glanced at his phone. There was still an hour left in the live stream.
He needed to find something to distract himself.
He turned on the TV and randomly selected an animated film in its original language. Then, the casual expression on his face froze.
He understood it. He could understand it without even looking at the subtitles!
So the bracelet’s function wasn’t limited to just one language?
To test his theory, he cycled through Korean dramas, American dramas, German dramas, Russian dramas, a movie in Portuguese, and so on.
Without exception, he understood “everything”!
The immense joy swept away the gloom hanging over him. Yan Xingli clamped his hand over his mouth, afraid he might laugh out loud.
Was this the reward for being an ancestor? He was willing to be an ancestor! Being an ancestor was great, it was fantastic!
From now on, when he followed animated shows, he wouldn’t have to wait impatiently for subtitles. He could just watch the raw version directly! The original flavor, it was awesome!
Oh, and also, manga! He could feast on raw manga!
From now on, when he covered foreign language songs, he wouldn’t have to practice the pronunciation so hard. He could just sing and get it right!
Viewers watching outside the screen: “?? What’s he so happy about?”
“That smile is so weird. Kind of scary.”
A few WeChat messages popped up. Yan Xingli picked up his phone, still smiling. Li Zhi: “Watch your facial expressions.”
“The chat thinks you’ve gone crazy.”
“What’s making you so happy?”
Yan Xingli quickly suppressed his grin, reverting to the image of a dignified celebrity. “Nothing, just some good news at home.”
After replying, he put down his phone, went to the kitchen to wash some cherries and strawberries, and settled back on the sofa to watch Spider-Man.
Before, he preferred the Chinese-dubbed version. That way, he didn’t have to split his attention between subtitles and could focus entirely on the visuals and plot.
This time, Qi Youyu was busy. She had her tablet on her lap, but her eyes kept darting to the TV. Juggling what was in her bowl with what was on her mind was hard work.
Yan Xingli knew she wasn’t wearing the language bracelet. Seeing her watching with such interest, he gave her a skeptical look.
“You can understand this?”
With Xiao Hua providing real-time translation directly into her mind, Yuyu said, “Of course, I understand. Don’t underestimate me.”
The next scene on TV showed the main character getting bitten by a spider.
The child, as if sharing the pain, clutched her neck. “Uncle, I think that big brother is a bit unlucky.”
Yan Xingli agreed. “That’s fate.”
“He has to get bitten to become Spider-Man.”
“If it were me, I’d just eat the spider.” The child’s mind worked quickly. “That way I wouldn’t feel pain but could still become Spider-Man.”
Yan Xingli was taken aback for a moment.
So this child wasn’t a little kitten, but a little leopard. Eating a spider? That was bold.
“Deep-fried spider should taste pretty good,” the little leopard’s uncle said, hands clasped behind his back. “Just like fried grasshoppers. Crispy.”
The bullet comments flooded with variations of “What the hell?!”
ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
The live stream ended amidst the noisy chatter. Now came the time for just the two of them.
Watching Qi Youyu’s carefree smile, Yan Xingli made an important decision.
He was going to get Yuyu registered and secure her status as a legitimate Earth child.
However, registering required some preparation and certain documents.
Yan Xingli didn’t intend to hide anything from Yuyu. He explained his plan to the child.
Yuyu, who had been lying on the floor kicking her little feet, blinked, slowly sat up, and looked down to press something on her wrist light-brain.
“Plop.”
Something fell to the floor.
“Uncle, is the ID card you’re talking about this little blue card?” Qi Youyu picked up the fallen object and waved it.
Yan Xingli’s brain short-circuited. There wasn’t a single person from China who wouldn’t recognize what the child was holding.
After a moment, he managed to squeeze out a dry sentence: “An ID card… How do you have an Earth ID card?”
Yuyu pointed a little finger. “Xiao Hua made it.”
Xiao Hua said, “Yes, I made it.”
Yan Xingli: “You guys made a fake ID?!”
“It’s not fake. It’s real.” Xiao Hua explained matter-of-factly. “Earth’s outdated chip technology and information collection methods pose no obstacle to me. I simply did it via a remote operation.”
Was this chubby little potato subtly dissing Earth’s technology as being too weak?
Yan Xingli held his forehead and said indignantly, “Don’t think it’s that simple. Having an ID card isn’t enough. We also need a birth certificate, a household registration book…”
“Is it this little red book?” Qi Youyu asked.
Yan Xingli’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. He barely stopped himself from yelling, “What the fuck!”
He took the household registration book with trembling hands and opened the first page.
Head of Household: Yan Shanyi.
“Rumble rumble, ”
Yan Xingli felt like he’d been struck by lightning. His face cycled through a rainbow of emotions. Amidst extreme shock and terror, he roared out:
“You, you two are out of your minds!”
Qi Youyu instantly shrank her head and hugged Xiao Hua’s round arm tightly.
“Falsifying a household registration book is illegal! And you have no idea how ruthless Yan Shanyi is!” Yan Xingli threatened. “If she finds out about this, she’ll shoot you both, believe it or not?!”
Xiao Hua calmly responded: “Please don’t worry. We didn’t falsify a household registration book. This is real. I simply added Lady Yuyu’s information to the existing book.”
Yan Xingli: “…?”
“This is the real household registration book.”
“I borrowed it from the head of household’s safe.”
Yan Xingli’s vision went dark. He could barely stand, leaning against the wall to keep from collapsing.
Oh my god. They had actually stolen the real household registration book. And they were proud of it.
Help. How could anyone make such a huge mess?
“Fake or real isn’t the point! The point is, if the head of household suddenly finds out she inexplicably has a daughter, she’s going to go crazy!”
This was even more outrageous than making a fake ID. Didn’t Yan Shanyi know whether she had a child or not?
The moment she decided to take a look at the household registration book on a whim, everything would be exposed on the spot.
Xiao Hua said, “Please don’t worry.”
This was truly a case of the bystanders being more anxious than the ones involved.
Yan Xingli’s brain was practically smoking from overthinking. His imagination ran wild, even conjuring up scenarios where Xiao Hua had some magical memory-erasing power.
“Even if you could tamper with human memories, it wouldn’t work.”
“As long as they do a DNA test, no matter which planet you’re from, there’s no way the biological relationship would reach 99.9%!”
Before he finished speaking, a lightweight piece of paper appeared in Qi Youyu’s hand.
“S City Judicial Appraisal Center Paternity Test Report”
The set of props was quite complete.
Five minutes later, Yan Xingli had sorted it out. Yan Shanyi’s safe was essentially the backyard for the two little aliens. The household registration book locked inside could be accessed and modified at any time.
After recovering for a while, Yan Xingli asked numbly, “Why did you two choose Yan Shanyi?”
“Because you told me to call you uncle.”
The child sat up straight. “The younger brother or older brother of your mother is called uncle. The younger sister or older sister of your mother is called an aunt.”
Yan Xingli was speechless.
ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
That night, Yuyu once again asked to sleep with her uncle. For the first time, Yan Xingli agreed.
Whether it was because of the household registration book incident, he didn’t know, but looking at Yuyu again, he almost felt like she really was his niece.
That night, Yan Xingli had trouble sleeping.
If Yan Shanyi, on the other side of the ocean, ever found out she had suddenly become a mother, and that the child was her ten-great-grandchild, would she fly back wielding a forty-meter sword?
Sigh.
Would he even be able to keep the thing on his neck?
Sigh, sigh.
Yan Xingli poked the human-shaped koala clinging to his arm.
“Why do you always like to sleep pressed up against me?”
“Because my uncle is kind of cute,” the child sleeping next to him said in a soft, sweet voice.
Hearing himself called cute made the uncle’s face flush slightly. This kid sure knew how to say nice things. Being called “cute” by her was better than a thousand compliments from anyone else.
Yan Xingli tried hard to suppress a smile, saying stiffly, “Even so, you don’t have to stick so close. The heating in the house is plenty warm. Sticking together like that will make you sweaty.”
The child obediently scooted over, still clutching his clothes, and asked softly, “Uncle, if the Little Fish is almost fixed soon, should we take Qian Jin and Eleme with us?”
“No, their home is on Earth. My home is on Earth, too.”
Yuyu opened her eyes. “Uncle, aren’t you coming with me?”
“Of course not.”
“That’s not what you said before.”
“What did I say before?”
Qi Youyu raised her voice. “You said you’d come with me!”
“I never agreed to that,” Yan Xingli replied lazily.
“You did!”
“I did not.”
The little kid got angry. She turned her back to him, facing away, and huffed loudly: “Uncle is a stinky melon! You don’t keep your word!”
One second,d it was “Uncle is cute,” the next it was “stinky melon.”
Yan Xingli’s smile grew even wider. He gently patted the child’s back and coaxed, “How about Stinky Melon Uncle takes you to eat fried chicken tomorrow, okay?”
The child responded super fast: “Okay.”
After a while, Yan Xingli was drifting off to sleep when Qi Youyu suddenly spoke again. “Uncle, can I ask you a question?”
“You’re still awake?”
“Going to sleep soon, okay?”
“Then ask with your eyes closed.”
“They’re closed.”
“Go ahead.”
There were rustling sounds beside him. In the darkness, the child had her eyes tightly shut and was cupping his face with both hands.
“Uncle, later, when I go home and burn paper money for you, will you appear?”
Yan Xingli: …
“Probably not.”
Qi Youyu asked, “Then how will you receive the paper money I burn for you?”
“Let’s not worry about the issue of burning paper money on credit just yet. The biggest problem right now is that I’m still alive. I haven’t died yet.” Yan Xingli was exasperated. “How would I, a living person, know what happens after death?”
“Okay, okay.”
Yan Xingli said, “Can we go to sleep now?”
“Goodnight, Uncle.” Qi Youyu’s chubby little hands fumbled for a second, then thoughtfully closed his eyelids for him.
“…”
!!!
You don’t close a living person’s eyes!