“…Residences built entirely out of bones?” Huey muttered mentally in quiet exasperation. “Do you people have any inkling at all as to why your storefronts constantly fail!”
The pretty little succubus let out an exhausted sigh, giving the Lich an up-and-down visual assessment before spreading his hands in helpless resignation. “You know how it is, Barit. The exterior appearance of you Liches is… well… rather indescribable. If the romantic retreat you’ve supposedly crafted this Wandering Valley features Liches staffing the service desks, I dare say even I would struggle to help you move those bookings.”
Hearing this critique, the soul fire flickering within Barit’s eye sockets dimmed noticeably as he whimpered defensively, “We don’t get to choose what we look like, you know. We’ve tried our absolute hardest to scrub our bones squeaky clean.”
“Look.” Promptly unhooking a rib bone from his torso, Barit extended it generously forward. “I’ve polished this dozens of times; it practically gleams in the sunlight!”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake, Barit.” Turning his face away to cast a lingering, appreciative gaze over Xavier’s striking, handsome features to cleanse his visual palette, Huey groaned, “Do you need me to recount step-by-step how your Lich Apothecary shop went bankrupt twenty years ago?”
The thought process of these Liches defied all logic; heaven alone knew what was tumbling through their hollow skulls. On opening day, the celebratory red ribbon concealing the entrance was whisked away to reveal a neat row of Liches crammed wall-to-wall across the threshold, their jawbones clacking open and shut while ethereal soul fire spewed from their empty facial cavities. Who on earth would dare step foot inside? It was outright skin-crawling.
“In any case.” Seizing the shining rib bone Barit was still brandishing in display, Huey shoved it back into the Lich’s frame with deliberate roughness. “Unless you ban Liches from serving as staff members, I refuse to assist you in streaming ticket sales even if you offered me eight million, I wouldn’t touch it.”
Lowering his skull, Barit flipped the rib bone right-side round and adopted a thoroughly miserly tone: “Well, succubi are completely out of the question, and demons or dark elves with striking appearances cost an absolute fortune. Huey, how about I employ some of those budget-friendly goblins or minotaurs instead? Not only are they inexpensive, but they’re blessed with massive strength…”
“Barit!” Raising his voice with deliberate severity, Huey cut off the Lich’s runaway train of entrepreneurial daydreams. “If you actually follow through with that, prepare to lose the shirt off your back.”
Giving the Lich a disapproving glare of profound disappointment, the young succubus linked his arm through Xavier’s, swished his tail, and tossed his head with a haughty sniff. “Let’s go, my lord. Pay no mind to this hopelessly uncultured, tasteless Lich.”
I really am such a remarkably kind-hearted succubus, Huey thought with a proud tilt of his chin. Even though this accursed, stingy Lich only paid me two thousand three hundred and sixty-seven gold coins for my last job, I am still bestowing this wealth of invaluable advice upon him.
“Alright, alright, Huey.” Trotting after them in an attempt to intercept, Barit reached out to grab Huey’s sleeve, only to have his hand blocked entirely by Xavier’s sudden intervention.
Glancing sideways at the formidable “demon,” the Lich shrank his neck back in sudden intimidation, realizing that Huey now possessed robust backing. He suspected extracting cheap labor out of the young demon through deceptive bargains was likely a thing of the past.
“Well then, what do you think of slimes?” Unwilling to part with substantial funds, Barit compromised on the next cheapest alternative slimes, whose payroll requirements exceeded goblins by a mere third. “I can brew up a few distinct shades using alchemy potions pink or crimson, perhaps.”
“If you insist on going that route,” Huey tilted his head in contemplation, “slimes are infinitely more adorable, at the very least.”
“Splendid!” Barit’s lower jaw cracked open in a terrifying grin characteristic of his kind. “I shall return immediately to recruit a batch of slimes. The two of you should prepare yourselves as well to accompany me out to the Wandering Valley.”
“Us?” Pointing first at himself and then toward Xavier, Huey requested clarification, “When you say ‘us,’ you’re referring to me and my lord?”
“Naturally! Having the two of you serve as live examples will practically guarantee that couples flood in to spend their honeymoons there.”
Huey shook his head, a wave of visible regret crossing his features at the prospect of walking away from eighty thousand gold coins. Even so, he declined: “I’m afraid I cannot help you this time, Barit. You’ll need to seek out a different succubus. While I’m entirely free, my lord lacks the schedule to participate in your broadcast.”
Sighing dramatically, Huey tugged Xavier along as he prepared to depart, continuing to mutter internally over the heartbreaking loss of unearned riches.
“Hold a moment.” Exercising a controlled exertion of pressure, Xavier drew the young succubus back against his side, halting their retreat. Fixing his gaze upon the Lich, he inquired before the panicked creature could fall apart entirely from the oppressive aura: “How many days will this live stream require?”
“Not long, not long at all,” Barit accommodated eagerly. “A mere seven days will suffice; it shall not impose upon the lord’s schedule.”
Nodding thoughtfully, Xavier delivered a verdict that sent a wave of ecstatic delight across the young succubus’s face: “A month from now, we shall arrive.”
“This…” Barit hesitated internally; the further the timeline stretched, the more potential revenue slipped through his fingers.
“If that timeline proves unacceptable, seek out alternative representation.” Without granting the Lich space for protracted negotiation, Xavier coolly delivered the ultimatum before moving to guide the little succubus toward their carriage.
“Wait.” Gritting his teeth with an audible crack of bone, Barit reasoned swiftly within his hollow skull that finding a succubus matching Huey’s caliber was impossible. A month is a month I’ll just head back and dismantle those bone decorations immediately! “I accept!”
With frantic haste, the Lich retrieved a storage ring and pressed it forward. “Contained within is an advance retainer of eighty thousand gold coins. Return the ring to me once the funds have been transferred.”
Flickering his gaze across the offering, Huey assumed a polite, honeyed smile that made Barit’s skull itch and his soul fire shudder with superstitious dread.
“Now see here, Barit,” Huey murmured, smoothly stepping past Xavier to drape an arm over the Lich’s cervical vertebrae, anchoring the skeletal creature firmly beside him to eliminate any avenues for escape. “You must understand that eighty thousand covers my individual professional services exclusively…”
Squinting his eyes into threatening crescents, Huey pressed the advantage: “My lord, you see, is an exceptionally formidable and distinguished demon.”
Clutching his storage ring to his chest with frantic desperation, Barit’s soul fire jittered wildly. “Do not let greed consume your soul!”
“Hmph.” Huey snorted. “Who is the truly greedy one here? I moved mountains of merchandise for you previously, and you compensated me a measly two thousand three hundred and sixty-seven gold coins!”
The memory alone reignited Huey’s indignation, prompting him to grab the Lich’s neck bones and shake them with violent fervor. “A mere two thousand three hundred and sixty-seven! You stingy, wretched skeleton!”
“It’s going to snap, it’s going to snap!” Barit supported his skull with both hands, frantically attempting to re-anchor it to his spine. “I can double it at most! Two individuals, one million six hundred thousand!”
“Unacceptable.” Huey refused to release his grip on the skeletal neck. “Does the lord command the same rate as myself? Increase it to at least three no, five million!”
“You’re outright highway robbery! Absolutely not!” Pushed past his breaking point, Barit abandoned all attempts to hold his head steady, diving his hand straight into his soul fire to plunge the storage ring deep within, sealing it safely away from the grasping clutches of the enraged succubus.
Ultimately, right as Xavier stepped forward intending to physically intervene and rescue the battered Lich from the relentless assault of the little succubus, Huey bounced backward in pure triumph, clutching a newly acquired storage ring packed with a staggering five million gold coins.
Behind him, the reconstructed Lich stood trembling and weeping softly.
“My lord.” Clutching the ring with starry-eyed adoration, Huey scampered over to stand before Xavier, hoisting the prize upward in triumphant display. “I successfully secured a remuneration of four million two hundred thousand gold coins on your behalf.”
“Splendid work.” Without a trace of hesitation, Xavier reached out to stroke the young demon’s head, bestowing generous praise upon the triumphant child.
“Here you go.” Huey extended the ring forward. “I’ve already extracted my designated share. You may transfer the remaining funds out of this ring, and I’ll return the empty artifact back to Barit.”
Casting a glance over toward the distant, disconsolate Lich who was desperately re-assembling his vertebrae while waiting patiently for his property, Xavier shook his head.
“Keep it. The entirety is yours.”
With the effortless generosity of an entity viewing mortal currency as an irrelevant abstraction, the Grand Archangel gently pressed the ring back into the young demon’s palm, pausing to reflect quietly: It seems I’ve severely neglected my duties as a guardian; I truly ought to allocate a consistent, dependable allowance for this poor, hardworking child. After all, every single newly birthed angel in Heaven receives an annual stipend from birth.
Oblivious to the “insane” parental musings running rampant through the Archangel’s mind, Huey flushed bright crimson, practically blinded by the golden radiance of five million gold coins.
Tossing the empty storage ring casually back toward the waiting, desolate Barit, the ecstatic little succubus forgot all remaining boundaries. Bending his knees, swinging his arms, and launching himself upward with a joyous leap, he hurled his entire body straight into Xavier’s arms.
“My lord—!”
Locking his arms around the man’s neck while hooking his legs securely around his waist, Huey even permitted his platinum-gold heart-shaped tail to coil affectionately around the Archangel’s sturdy, muscular thigh.
Burying his face against the crook of Xavier’s neck, the little succubus rubbed affectionately back and forth while his voice dripped with an unadulterated, intoxicating sweetness that practically oozed raw honey.
“My lord! I adore you so, so much—!”
Having grown entirely accustomed to these unannounced physical ambushes, Xavier caught the incoming projectile with practiced ease, securing the lively little succubus firmly against his frame as he carried him back toward their waiting carriage.
“Mhm.”
Naturally, a child expressing profound filial devotion and emotional attachment deserved positive, affirming reinforcement.
Drawing upon the wisdom gleaned from his recent perusal of A Century of Raising a Little Angel, the dedicated Grand Archangel curled the corners of his thin lips into a soft smile and offered a gentle, grounding reassurance:
“I adore you just as much.”
The primary objective, after all, was ensuring the child felt deeply cherished and secure, paving the way for a healthy, joyful maturation.
Oh, heavens above—!
Huey felt as though his consciousness was floating straight up toward the celestial planes. Pressing closer with desperate fervor, he wished nothing more than to physically melt into Xavier’s very core.
I, Huey! Today, exactly three hundred years into my life, I have successfully secured financial patronage from a remarkably powerful demon! In the Underworld, this translates unequivocally to a solemn pledge: this magnificent demon is willing to enfold me within his love and claim me exclusively as his very own succubus !
Tilting his chin upward with star-struck idolatry, Huey gazed obsessively at Xavier’s striking, sharply chiseled jawline, his internal heart-shaped patterns flaring with blinding, magnificent radiance as total, absolute devotion took root within his soul.
I genuinely, truly, deeply adore you, my lord !