Feng Ci suspected that he and Berry were cosmically incompatible. Rubbing the lump on the back of his head and surveying the chaotic state of the bathroom, he cast a believing glance toward feudal superstition for the first time in his life.
Fortunately, the master bedroom he occupied had another bathroom, where the smart toilet was functioning perfectly.
After hanging up with the after-sales service staff, Feng Ci emerged from the master bathroom freshly showered, a towel draped over his head as he half-dried his hair.
Just as he cracked the door open, he heard a train-whistle-like snore. Peering out, he spotted a small mound by the sofa—Berry was face-down on the wool carpet, fast asleep.
Feng Ci approached. The child’s cheek was squished flat like a meat patty, and a shiny trail of drool had trickled from the corner of her mouth onto the carpet, leaving a small, dark damp spot.
“Hey.”
Feng Ci nudged Berry lightly with the tip of his foot.
Berry’s little body wriggled twice, shifting from lying on her left cheek to her right, then fell still again.
“Hey, kid.” Feng Ci crouched down impatiently, pinched Berry’s clean right cheek, and gave it a shake. “Get up and sleep properly.”
Children’s sleep comes swiftly and urgently. Even though Berry was a little witch, she couldn’t escape the physiological habits of a human toddler. Once she confirmed her surroundings were safe, she naturally let down all her defenses and vigilance, sleeping like a log.
Using a pancake-flipping technique, Feng Ci turned Berry over, grabbed her shoulders with both hands, and tried to shake her awake.
“Wake up. Go sleep in your room.”
The human toddler, now a liquid kitten: zzz~
Left with no choice, Feng Ci hoisted Berry up, tucked her under his arm, and carried her into the guest room.
He unceremoniously dumped the child onto the bed. The previously limp little form seemed to activate some kind of auto-navigation, instinctively and precisely wriggling under the covers, wrapping herself up tightly until only her messy head poked out.
Feng Ci stood there without leaving, his brows gradually furrowing. Who sleeps with a backpack on? How awkward.
After some deliberation, he resisted the urge to pull back the covers and remove her little satchel. Out of sight, out of mind. Feng Ci turned and strode away.
The next day, Feng Ci was awakened by a peculiar fragrance. He usually slept until noon, and even after waking, he’d laze in bed for a long time.
In a daze, Feng Ci rolled over, hugging the blanket as he tried to go back to sleep, but the scent grew stronger and stronger.
Struggling, he pried his eyelids open, his gaze vacant as his brain slowly booted up.
Just then, a flood of light poured into the dark bedroom. A short figure stood by the door and greeted him in a milky voice:
“Brother Feng, hello.”
“Are you hungry?”
Feng Ci jolted, clutching the blanket tightly as if he were an offended chaste man. He snapped, “Who told you to come in? Get out.”
Feng Ci usually slept naked, but considering there was an extra person in the house, he had specifically worn a pair of shorts last night, just in case.
Who would have thought he’d actually encounter that “just in case.”
“No one told me to come in. My legs came on their own.” Berry puffed out her little chest proudly. “I heard you were hungry, so I came to fetch you out of bed.”
“…I don’t need fetching. I can walk myself.” Feng Ci frowned, shooing her away like a dog. “You go out first.”
Without another word, Berry turned and scampered off.
“Close the door!”
The doorway was empty—not a trace of anyone left.
Feng Ci was so angry he wanted to give Berry a complete childhood. Resigned, he got up to close the door, only for his gaze to collide with the half of a sneakily peeking broom head at the doorframe.
Xiuxiu: o.o
“What do you want?” Feng Ci deliberately growled menacingly to scare it. “What are you looking at? This isn’t something you should be watching. Go find somewhere cool to stay.”
Xiuxiu trembled and whimpered as it scurried away.
After getting dressed, Feng Ci followed the strange, enticing aroma into the kitchen.
—What he saw left him stunned.
A small stove had been set up in the middle of the kitchen floor. Berry, with her back to him, was bustling about, occasionally tossing things into the steaming pot.
I don’t dare open my eyes, hoping this is just my imagination.jpg.
Feng Ci took a large stride forward, his face turning green. “Are you having a campfire cookout in my kitchen?”
Hearing his voice, Berry turned around, stood up with a grimy smile, and said, “Hello, Brother Feng.”
“I’m not doing well.”
Pots and pans were one thing, but where did she get the firewood? Feng Ci had a gut feeling that if he had woken up any later, his house would have burned down, and he would have met his maker.
“What are you doing? Didn’t I tell you kids shouldn’t play with fire? Are you causing trouble again?”
Flustered, Berry defended herself. “I’m not causing trouble. I’m making soup. Here, look.”
She stepped aside, revealing the full view of the pot. Thick green broth bubbled and boiled in a cracked clay pot, sending waves of steam billowing toward the ceiling with each surge.
Feng Ci hurriedly opened the window to ventilate the room. “Is this what you meant yesterday when you said you’re an amazing cook?”
“Yes, yes! Take a deep sniff. Doesn’t it smell wonderful?”
The long-trapped cold wind rushed in, causing the flames to flicker wildly. Berry quickly turned to block the draft. “No, no, the fire’s going to go out!”
“Good, it should go out. That way, we won’t have to worry about carbon monoxide poisoning without even trying.”
With the doors and windows shut tight and the heater running, she actually dared to cook with firewood in such an enclosed space. Clearly, she thought he lived too long and wanted to send him off.
“What kind of poison?” Berry paused to think for a moment before shaking her head solemnly. “I don’t have that kind of poison.”
“? If you did, we’d be done for!”
Feng Ci felt that Berry needed to be taught a lesson. With his naturally intimidating appearance, he looked like a fierce deity to human children when he wasn’t smiling.
He tightened his expression and lowered his voice, commanding, “Put out the fire.”
“But… but it’s not done cooking yet.”
“I don’t like repeating myself.”
As the pressure from Feng Ci grew stronger, the child, who knew when to back down, reluctantly moved aside. “Fine, fine.”
Without Berry blocking the way, the flames visibly weakened, and with a splash of cold water poured from above, they were completely extinguished.
Finally, Feng Ci felt somewhat relieved. But when his gaze shifted to that pot of dark concoction, his brows furrowed so tightly they could crush a fly.
Just then, Berry made things worse while he was off guard.
She actually tossed a red Scarletberry into the soup. Good heavens, who in their right mind puts fruit in soup?!
Was she trying to treat him like a fool? This was beyond tolerance.
Feng Ci declared, “I’m going to watch you finish every last drop of this soup!”
Berry pulled two bowls from her small crossbody bag and declared grandly, “Don’t worry. A kind little witch never eats alone.”
She stirred the soup with a ladle. “Tengteng Soup with Scarletberry is sweet. Drinking it will make you feel happy and joyful.”
In the Magic World, candy was expensive. Children who craved sweets had to go into the mountains to pick berries, then bring them home to make jam and store it away. When they felt like having something sweet, they would take a spoonful or spread it on bread.
Berry was the same way. Whenever she craved something sweet, she would pick some fruit. A mouthful of sweet jam could solve 99% of her unhappiness.
Brother Feng always looked unhappy—it must have been because he hadn’t had any candy in a long time.
If he drank some sweet Tengteng Soup, he would surely cheer up.
Unfortunately, the child’s heartfelt sincerity was misplaced. Feng Ci, who valued his life above all else, wouldn’t dare touch a product with no safety certifications. No matter how extravagantly Berry praised it, he remained unmoved, as steadfast as someone about to join the Party.
The little witch had no choice but to drink the entire pot of soup herself, ending up with a bloated belly as she leaned against the corner of the wall, motionless.
Feng Ci was speechless. She just had to mess around with that dark cuisine and ended up poisoning herself.
"Berry, come clean up your pots and pans. Are you just going to leave them here to grow maggots?"
The child’s eyelashes fluttered as she lazily opened her small shoulder bag. Her lips seemed to mumble something, and the next moment, the pots and pans that had been lying still suddenly rose into the air in unison, flying neatly into the bag.
Muggle teenager Feng Ci: …Prosperity, democracy, civility, harmony, freedom, equality, justice…
At that somewhat cringey age, everyone had a few cringey dreams. Feng Ci considered himself more mature and steady than his peers, but upon seeing such an incredibly awesome magical artifact, he couldn’t help but feel his inner chuunibyou ignite.
"That’s a Universe Bag! Right?"
Drowsy Berry: "Huh?"
"A Universe Bag! Infinite storage space!"
"It’s not called a Money Bag. Grandma made this little shoulder bag for me out of a cloak, so it’s called Grandma’s Bag."
"?"
Feng Ci’s burning chuunibyou soul cooled down.
Forget it, what was the point of talking to a three-year-old?
"Oh, right, I forgot to ask earlier—how did you get into my room?" His gaze was sharp.
He made a habit of locking his door every day, and last night before bed, he had double-checked to make sure it was locked.
Berry waved her two little paws like blooming flowers: "It wasn’t me, it was Xiuxiu."
Huh.
A stick?
Feng Ci’s suspicious and disdainful gaze deeply wounded Xiuxiu’s wooden heart. What’s wrong with being a stick? Sticks have stick rights too!
The easily angered but cowardly Xiuxiu immediately reenacted the crime scene for Feng Ci.
Puffing out its chest, it hopped over to the bedroom door, tilted its head slowly, and its distinct broom bristles slipped easily into the lock. In no time, the door creaked open.
Feng Ci struggled to control the twitching muscles on his face.
He had to admit, he actually saw a canine-like pride and excitement emanating from a bare stick.
What on earth was it so smug about?