“Who is the most talented person in Prism?”
Someone once asked me that question.
“Of course…….”
Most people answered the question with “
Seo Yutae
”, and my members were no different. But I always gave a different answer to that question.
“It’s Lee Chise.”
If the question had been ‘
Who is the most outstanding?
‘ or ‘
Who is the greatest?
‘, the answer might have been different. However, if it was a question about talent, my answer would have always been Lee Chise.
It wasn’t mere humility. I was not the kind of person who would lower myself just to pretend to be humble.
Think about it. How could a guy who gained recognition from all the trainees and company staff in just two days, debuted, reached the top of the idol industry, and then went on a hip-hop program and won, be considered normal?
Lee Chise’s talent was both overwhelming and harmful.
I used the word “
harmful
” because of the effect he had on those around him.
Lee Chise was an outsider everywhere he went. With such a personality that blended in with the crowd, he should have been able to get along well, but the reason that didn’t happen was precisely because of his genius.
Everyone who worked on music with Lee Chise eventually lost their way, gradually falling apart under the weight of his genius. Even though they put in the same amount of effort, Lee Chise’s ability to soar to new heights on his own was more than enough to make those around him sick.
‘Kinder is a perfect example.’
Even at Prism, where a bunch of exceptionally talented individuals were gathered, such tendencies subtly surfaced, so imagine how much worse it must have been elsewhere.
From the moment I placed that kind of guy in a place where chicks are chirping, I felt a little uneasy.
‘Why do bad premonitions always seem to happen?’
There were three people who listened to Lee Chise’s
Catch me!
recording.
Me, Cha Woon, who was in the studio at the time, and … Lee Danbi, who learned to rap from Lee Chise.
Lee Danbi must have naturally come to realize the limits of his own talent as he listened to Lee Chise’s demonstration over and over again. Even if the on-site audience loved his performance, it wouldn’t have mattered if he himself wasn’t satisfied.
‘Even if I hadn’t pointed it out, he probably would have already had doubts about it himself.’
It was truly miraculous timing.
Of all times, this happened right after he found out he was the only one who didn’t make it into the debut lineup, so his mental state must have been in shambles.
‘When I was planning the fourth competition, I was sure Lee Danbi would make it to the debut zone.’
If our team’s performance had gone exactly as I had planned, Lee Danbi could have achieved a higher ranking. Unfortunately, the broadcasting accident ruined that chances.
‘Because Baek Kiryang stepped in to cover the part that Lee Danbi should have fully performed, the attention was diverted elsewhere.’
The public’s attention, which should have been evenly distributed between Baek Kiryang and Lee Danbi, ended up focusing solely on Baek Kiryang. Lee Danbi, who had worked incredibly hard to at least imitate Lee Chise and had even produced results that reflected that effort, had it all ruined by the production team’s mistake.
The only silver lining was that Lee Danbi was able to finish the competition without being labeled as unskilled.
‘But that’s a very small silver lining, and in reality, it has little meaning, so it’s reasonable to assume that Lee Danbi has come this far without feeling any sense of fulfillment.’
“Haaa…..”
I stood in the doorway of the only practice room with the lights on and hesitated a bit.
‘What if he’s crying?’
I expected to find Lee Danbi crying in a panic like Baek Kiryang when I opened the door.
I had gotten somewhat used to Baek Kiryang and Do Yuda crying because it happened so often, but honestly, it was a bit hard to handle when the others cried. Among them, Lee Danbi was the hardest, as he was usually so composed and tough that I couldn’t even imagine him crying. This was really difficult.
…..Teenagers going through puberty were uncomfortable for me.
‘Let’s go in.’
But hesitation wasn’t going to solve anything. I immediately turned the doorknob and walked into the practice room.
The person in the room was instantly recognizable. And just as I had expected, it was Lee Danbi.
“…….”
Boom! Boom! Boom!
“Bet on me. JACKPOT!”
But instead of
Lee Danbi quietly shedding tears
, there was anoter Lee Danbi practicing the dance break part of the program’s official theme song until his body nearly broke.
‘…What is this?’
“Seungbeom-hyung.”
Noticing me entering the practice room, Lee Danbi wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand, turned off the music, and immediately approached me. I could feel the heated breath from him as he came closer. Sensing this, I realized that he must have started practicing right after hearing my conversation and hadn’t stopped since.
As if my reaction didn’t matter much, Lee Danbi bowed his head with a very calm face and began to speak.
“Seungbeom-hyung, I’m sorry. You helped me so much that I couldn’t possibly repay you, but I didn’t live up to your expectations.”
“…What?”
“You came to check on me because you were worried about what Cha Woon-sunbaenim said, didn’t you? Hyung, you’re especially kind to me. But I’m fine. I’ve been doing poorly, so I understand completely why Cha Woon-sunbaenim would say that.”
It didn’t appear to be self-deprecation caused by low self-esteem. Lee Danbi was just stating the reality as he understood it.
“But please don’t tell me to quit with the same kind of good intentions, hyung. Even if I have to do something 500 or 1000 times that others can do in 10, I don’t mind. The fact that I can improve a little bit if I practice, regardless of talent, doesn’t change, does it? That’s enough for me.”
And even though he understood the reality of it all, he said he wouldn’t give up.
“No matter what I hear or what ranking I get, I can’t give up. I can’t give up, even if I die. I can’t afford to just sit around.”
‘Did you come here to practice because even the time to feel down seems too precious to waste?’
Among the stages that would be performed on the final live broadcast, the only one the trainees already knew was the program’s official theme song. Instead of despairing over the invisible, intangible things, Lee Danbi came here to give his utmost effort with what he could do right now.
I was lost for words, confused at what kind of 17-year-old would behave like this.
I knew he had a strong mentality, but I didn’t expect it to be
this
strong.
“I absolutely have to succeed this time. It’s the only way I can survive.”
“…….”
I bit the flesh in my mouth at those words.
It was so strange. It was definitely not normal.
‘Maybe what I’ve been guessing all along was the correct answer.’
Children who were excessively mature for their age were more likely to have grown up under immature guardians, and children who fiercely struggled to do well at a young age often grew up in environments where failure was not tolerated.
So, I had already suspected that there might be some issues with Lee Danbi’s family environment. It was for this reason that I had intentionally given Lee Danbi more opportunities in the fourth mission.
‘I hoped I was wrong.’
However, the problems Lee Danbi was facing seemed much more serious than I had imagined. I opened my mouth heavily, feeling the gravity of his situation.
“Is there a reason why you absolutely have to debut through this program?”
Lee Danbi pondered for a moment, then sighed and said, “….Hyung, I feel like you’ve been under some pretty ridiculous misunderstanding for the past few days, so I’ll just tell you. I can’t stand this frustration anymore. The person I had a fight with at the fan signing event was my older sister. My real older sister.”
‘…Not your girlfriend?’
I froze like a broken machine at the word ‘
older sister
‘ and stared down at Lee Danbi’s face. I was trying to find similarities with the face in my memory. Lee Danbi looked at my response and murmured, “I guess I really don’t look much like my sister”, then added.
“I heard that ours ears are exactly the same. Our hair is also kind of similar, right? Curly brown hair. It’s natural.”
“…Aah.”
It was true. The ears and hair were very similar.
Typically, siblings shared similar features like eyes, nose, and mouth, but they didn’t resemble each other at all in those parts. It was kind of funny how their only matching feature was their ears.
On top of that, Lee Danbi’s sister had a style typical of people who have settled abroad, which made it even harder to see the resemblance.
Finally convinced by what Lee Danbi had said, I hesitated for a moment before voicing the question that immediately popped into my head.
“…Are you not on good terms with your older sister?”
Is it common for siblings to have such heated arguments?
I had never had a sister, so I wasn’t sure.
I tilted my head, and Lee Danbi immediately answered as if he’d guessed what I was thinking.
“We do argue often, but the fight that day wasn’t just one of those petty arguments. Without understanding my feelings, someone who was supposed to be living in America kept following me around.”
“America?”
“I have four younger siblings. There are six of us in total. My older sister is the eldest daughter, and I’m the eldest son. We’ve always had to take care of our younger siblings like it’s a given. And we’ll probably continue to do so in the future.”
‘Maybe that’s why he’s so wise and mature.’
He’s the youngest here, but the eldest son at home. Knowing Lee Danbi’s usual behavior and personality, it was a story that made quite a bit of sense
‘There are four Seo Yuseong … haa.’
When I gasped at the mention of having four younger siblings, Lee Danbi nodded as if he had expected my reaction and explained calmly.
“My parents, especially, placed a heavy burden on my sister out of the two of us, and she ended up devoting her entire life to taking care of her younger siblings, as if they were her own children. It’s absurd. A child raising children.”
“…….”
‘This must be the reason why he was so aggressive about Lee Hwayoung’s background. He has a complex.’
These people, if you can’t handle it, don’t have children.
A child should be raised as a child.
“When it got to the point where it was truly unbearable, I told my older sister to run away. It’s suffocating to watch her struggle to support her younger siblings from a young age, so I told her to go overseas, live well, and be happy. In Korea, parents can easily check their children’s whereabouts, but that doesn’t apply to children living in the United States. Our parents wouldn’t be able to follow her there.”
I felt my blood pressure rising again. But Lee Danbi continued, oblivious to my condition.
“But my older sister keeps coming back to see if there’s anything she can help with, because she feels guilty. I guess she’s worried that I’ll have to take on the role she used to play. But then, it will all be like a sailfin sandfish
1
. If she happens to run into our parents, they’ll just ask her for some more money.”
“…….”
“I came on this program as my last chance. If I fail this time, I’ll have to go back home and take care of my younger siblings. I don’t want that. I just want to become independent as soon as possible, cut all ties, and live on my own. Once I’m financially stable enough to not be a burden, I’ll get in touch with my sister again and live with her.”
For the first time, Lee Danbi showed his anxiety in front of me as he explained what would happen if he failed. Then, grabbing my arm, he spoke desperately.
“There’s no place left for me to retreat to, and no matter how much you try to send me away for my own good, it will only push me off the cliff. So, hyung, of all people, at the very least you … please don’t say those words to me.”
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Translator’s Corner:
It will all be like a sailfin sandfish (말짱 도루묵).
Sailfin sandfish here is a Korean idiom that means “all for nothing” or “in vain.”
.
The origin of this idiom is, there was a tale about this fish where a Korea’s King was still a general and in a middle of war, he and his army took refugee in a village near the sea. They were served with some low-quality fish called “Mook” (묵/ 曰目). The general found the fish so delicious and thought it deserved a better name, so he asked them to call it ‘
Eun-eo
‘ (Silver fish)’.
Later when he destroyed the current dynasty and rose to the King position, he reminisced about the fish he had eaten on his way home after the fierce battle. He ordered his vassals to bring ‘Eun-eo’ from the village. However, when he took a bite of well-roasted ‘Eun-eo’, he was very disappointed with its taste and he said, “
Doru ‘mook’ ira haera
(Return it to ‘
mook
‘)”. So, the fish name became 도루묵 (Dorumook), and the english name is “Sailfin Sanfish”.
No one knows how historically accurate this story is, but this folktale makes the word 도루묵 be associated with ‘futile effort’, ‘back to nothing’ or ‘useless’. ↩︎
ARGH EXPLAINING THIS FISH THINGY MAKES ME WANT TO EAT FISHHHH but the fish in this place is not delicious and expensive. My hometown is a rural village near the sea, you see, so fish is really cheap and always fresh. I was raised with the mindset that chicken = expensive, fish = cheap. But when I moved to my university’s city, FISH IS SO EXPENSIVE WTF THE PRICE IS HIGHER THAN CHICKEN??? AND IT DOESN’T TASTE AS GOOD AS WHAT I USED TO EAT BACK HOME. so it just felt like a waste of money to buy it. Fish T_T You didn’t know what you got until it’s gone so true …. fish ……
Anyway, the next chapter is one of my favorite. Go back in 6 hours.