Oscar Ward
“So we’re all in agreement, then?” I ask.
The three of us are at a park in a city north-east of the GDA headquarters. We’ve all got hot dogs, though Mark’s got a paper bag filled with even more food. We’re getting more than a few looks, seeing we’re in costume, and a distant crowd has formed up, too. Allen slowly turns over the hot dog in his hand.
“The bread isn’t cut all the way through. Which means it’s one piece of bread. And you said a sandwich is filling between two pieces of bread.”
“Yeah?” I say with some hope in my voice.
Allen nods decisively. “Then a hot dog isn’t a sandwich.”
“THANK YOU!”
I slap the table hard enough to rattle our drinks.
Mark rolls his eyes from across from us. “That’s stupid.”
“Democracy has spoken.”
“C’mon!” He waves me off. “There are two of you.”
“And one of you.”
“Okay.” Mark reaches into the paper bag beside him, unwrapping it. “Allen, what’s this?”
“Judging by the aroma, that’s… chicken, right?”
“Yeah, it’s a chicken sandwich, but look at the bread. One slice, not two. But it’s still a sandwich.”
Mark opens up the baguette. Allen looks at the hinged bread, then slowly turns towards me.
“...Lantern, I’m sorry. I think I’m changing my mind.”
I look away and raise my index finger. “...Don’t.”
“The bread is cut all the way through. You said—”
“I know what I said and he’s playing dirty, goddamn it!”
Mark gives me a shit-eating grin.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to change my mind. A hotdog is a sandwich.”
“...Oh, fuck off!”
Mark bursts out laughing, and I glare at him while angrily shoving the rest of my hot dog into my mouth. Fine. Two can play at this game! I chew vehemently and swallow, standing only after the food’s down.
“Where are you going?” Mark asks.
“...To win.”
I only need to cross the street. It’s almost three in the afternoon, and there are ample restaurants where we’re at. Minutes later, I return and slap a wrapped burger onto the table beneath the tree we’re sitting under and take my seat.
“Allen.”
“What’s up, bud?”
I unwrap the burger. “What is this?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t seen or had this meat before, but I’d say it’s a sandwich.”
“Well, it’s called a burger. Now pay attention.”
Allen’s brow scrunches up in confusion. I watch Mark’s smile disappear in record time. Got you, motherfucker!
“Wait, wait… so, sandwiches are just anything and nothing?”
“Yep. Which is why my way is much less confusing. Burgers are burgers, sandwiches are sandwiches, and hot dogs are hot dogs. So, thinking of changing your answer?” I ask with a shit-eating grin of my own.
Allen considers it. “...Yep. Got to say, guys, this is all a bit confusing. But if I had to pick a side here, I’m Team Green Lantern.”
Unfortunately for him, I’m not done. Shooting onto my feet, I point triumphantly at Mark’s chicken sandwich.
“So what’s this then?” Mark says, lifting his baguette. “It’s still one slice!”
“A chicken dog,” Allen says firmly.
I snort. “Exactly. A chicken dog!”
Mark drops his head into his hands. “Oh my fucking god. You can’t be real, dude. The win can’t mean that much to you!”
“Shut up! That’s sore loser talk. And therefore—” I snatch Allen’s mostly-eaten hot dog and hold it aloft. “—subs will henceforth be joining the hot dog family.”
…Ah, the sweet smell of vindication! Or maybe that’s just the freshly grilled burger in front of us. I take a wonderfully juicy bite, watching Mark seethe and mutter to himself. His phone rings, forcing him to dig it out of his tight spandex pocket.
“...Shit.”
I take another bite of my burger. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He answers the call and turns slightly away from us. “Hey… yeah. Are we still on for later, you said? About that…”
Allen and I share a glance.
“...Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, Amber.” Mark winces. “Something came up. Superhero stuff? …Kind of?”
Allen leans towards me. “Who’s Amber?”
“Girlfriend,” I mutter.
We both look back at him.
“Can we reschedule this?” Mark rubs the back of his neck. “It’s just... alien stuff. Yeah, him. He came back. No, everything’s fine. Actually, things are probably better than they’ve been in a while. It’s just I’ve got to show him around, and—wait, you guys are already at the diner?”
Another pause.
“...Okay. I’ll try to come by later.”
Allen frowns. “Why later?”
“Hold on.” He covers the phone with one hand. “What?”
“Why don’t we go now?”
“Because we’re supposed to be showing you Earth, not goofing off with my friends.”
“We’re goofing off now, aren’t we?” I point out.
Allen gestures towards the phone. “Are they eating?”
“...Yeah.”
“What kind of food?”
“I don’t know. Diner food?”
Allen turns to me. “What’s diner food?”
“Who else is there?” I ask.
“William. Eve.”
My eyebrows rise. “Eve’s there?”
“Yeah. We were all supposed to meet up to grab a bite to eat after I got back from talking to my dad.”
Well, now I feel slightly bad. He’s apparently ditched his girlfriend and best friend to spend the afternoon participating in the Great Sandwich War.
Allen shrugs. “Ask them.”
Mark hesitates, but eventually he puts the phone back to his ear.
“...Hey. Weird question. How would you guys feel about two more people coming? Depends on the people? …Green Lantern and Allen… the alien?”
“Nice alliteration. Besides, I am an alien to earth.”
I can faintly hear several voices through the phone.
“...Alright. Jesus.” Mark pulls it away from his ear and stares at me. “William wants to meet you. He’s a big fan.”
“Hell yeah.”
He stuffs his phone back into his pocket. Allen immediately rises with the remains of his hot dog.
“Does this diner have any more of these?”
“I… don’t… know? We can grab one on the way there. I need to go home to change clothes anyway.”
“Then let’s go!”
Mark starts walking away. I grab my burger and follow. Allen falls into step beside me.
“...So is Eve your girlfriend?”
“No.”
Mark snorts.
“You know what, fuck you, Mark!”
【—〄—】
“Wait.”
William leans across the table to squint at me. Amber and Mark are to his immediate left. Meanwhile, Eve is sandwiched between me and Allen, all of us sat at a long table tucked into the corner of a Baltimore diner.
“Why aren’t your eyes green? They’re usually green.”
I pause with a fry halfway to my mouth. “...Nice to meet you too.”
“O-Oh! Sorry.” He sits back and clears his throat. “Hi. William. Huge fan. Seriously, huge fan. But why aren’t your eyes green?”
Amber sighs.
I laugh. “Nah, it’s fine.”
We’ve been at the diner for maybe five minutes total. William has spent four of them staring at me like I’m an exhibit in a museum. Amber, at least, had introduced herself like a normal person. Shook my hand, told me it was nice to meet me, thanked me for helping Mark against Omni-Man. Which makes being nice to her a lot easier, not that I was planning to be a dick. Whatever opinions I have about Amber Bennett come from watching a television show about her life.
I’ve never actually met this girl before today. She hasn’t done anything to me. And considering the last few days, I can probably afford to give everyone a little grace. Besides, she seems nice enough right now.
“My eyes are brown because I’m not wearing this,” I say.
William’s attention snaps to my hand, where the green lantern ring gleams beneath the overhead diner light. Power races across the ring, bleeding through my eyes without the whole pulsing aura I’m used to. I also intentionally don’t equip myself in the half-spandex, half-armour because I’m not really in the mood to draw in a crowd.
“...Holy shit. Can I just say that you’re hotter with green eyes?”
I grin. “Thanks for the compliment.”
“William,” Amber laughs.
“His eyes actually glow! I thought that was some costume thing!”
“What costume thing?”
“I don’t know! Contacts!”
“Why would I wear glowing contacts?” I ask.
“For branding!”
Mark grumbles from beside Amber. “You weren’t anywhere near this excited when you found out I was Invincible.”
“Well yeah, but you’re Mark,” William says with a wave of his hand.
“I’m Invincible!”
“Yeah. And you’re also Mark.”
“What does that even mean?”
“The novelty died off once I realised you were still the same guy I had sleepovers with as a kid. Don’t get jealous. I’m still perfectly happy to bug you into taking me flying again.”
…Well, time to get another one up on Mark.
“Hey, William? I can do you one better.”
“What?”
I take my ring off. “I can give you the ability to fly.”
Eve looks over from her drink. “...Seriously?”
“...Me?” William repeats.
“Yeah. Wrap you in an aura and then you’ll be able to move around on your own.”
“How high?”
“As high as you want, technically.”
“Sorry, Mark. This is why he’s my favourite superhero. Among other reasons—sorry not sorry.”
Mark throws his hands up. “What other reasons?”
“For one, I think he’s hotter than you.”
“Huh?!”
Amber hugs his arm. “Well, I think you’re plenty hot, babe.”
“No, but what does that have to do with heroing?!”
…Ah, the art of ragebaiting. I can tell William’s a master in it by the amusement in his eyes.
“That said,” William scrutinises Mark. “...Whatever you did to yourself, it’s working.”
I puff my chest. “You’ve got me to thank for that. I did indeed beautify him. And for the affordable price of $1,000, you too can have flawless skin, kissable lips, and lovely eyebrows!”
“Sign me up. Lemme sell my kidney, and I will get right back to you.”
I burst out laughing. Man, I did not expect William to be so funny. Mark’s the only one not laughing at the joke, but that’s fine. He knows we’re messing about, I think.
“You’ve known him for five minutes,” he mutters.
“And what a five minutes it’s been.”
“You’ve known me since we were kids!”
“Exactly. I’ve had years to get sick of you.”
“My man.” I hold out my fist, and William bumps it immediately.
A fork scrapes violently against porcelain beside me. We turn to Allen hunched over a plate stacked with what used to be at least six pancakes. He’s down to one now, cutting and shovelling with satisfied moans.
Mark smiles in concern. “Are you okay, dude?”
“Never been better,” Allen says.
“Swallow first,” Mark says.
“This planet is incredible. Everything I’ve eaten has been incredible.”
Amber rests her chin against her hand. “So what’s your planet like?”
“My planet?”
“Yeah. Where are you from?”
“Uh.” Allen drowns his remaining pancakes in syrup. “I don’t have one.”
She blinks. “...Oh. Sorry, I didn’t—”
“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Allen cuts into the stack. “Unopa was destroyed by—” Mark kicks Allen under the table. “—a meteor. It destroyed my whole planet.”
“Your whole planet?” William asks.
“Yep…” He glances at Mark. “It hurts to this day.”
“Jesus.”
“Pretty much why my people joined the Coalition. Well, what’s left of us.” Allen shrugs before shovelling another forkful into his mouth. “I live on Talescria now.”
Eve tilts her head. “What’s Talescria?”
“Coalition headquarters. It’s a really big planet right near the centre of Coalition space.”
“What’s it like?” Amber asks.
Allen stops to think for a moment.
“...Busy.”
“That’s all you can say?” Eve points out. “It’s a whole planet.”
“Hey, I’m getting there.” He points his syrup-covered fork at her. “It’s not really one people’s planet. You get Unopans, Gelderians, Mantloids, Dornians, whatever the hell Thaedus is. He looks really human. The point is, species from all over Coalition space move there because that’s where everything happens. Government, military, science, trade. So you walk down one street and you’ll see twenty different species.”
William’s eyes light up. “That sounds awesome.”
“It is, most of the time anyway. You get some assholes.”
“Universal constant,” Amber says.
“Exactly!”
Eve smiles. “You live there alone?”
“Nah. My girlfriend lives with me.”
Mark grins. “You have a girlfriend?”
“Yeah? Why do you sound offended by the idea? Don’t believe I’m capable of keeping one? Well, lookie here.”
He takes out some kind of holographic phone thing. On it is a picture of him with his arm around Telia in front of some kind of statue standing above a waterfront.
“She’s beautiful,” William says breathlessly.
“I know!”
“What’s her name?” Eve asks.
“Telia.”
Allen gives the hologram one last admiring look before putting the device away. He scrapes the last syrup-soaked piece of pancake from his plate and shoves it into his mouth.
“Anyway. Are we gonna keep going?”
Mark blinks. “Going where?”
“The food tour.”
“Food tour? What food tour?” William asks.
“I’m supposed to be learning about your planet.” Allen swallows. “What better way than food?”
Mark shakes his head. “You’re supposed to be getting a general idea of our civilisation.”
“Food is part of civilisation.”
Amber laughs. “How much have you guys eaten already?”
“Not enough,” Allen says immediately.
“Aren’t you full?” I ask. He shakes his head. I look down the table towards Eve. “You wanna come? We were gonna leave America after this. Go up to Canada, have some poutine. Maybe go to the Caribbean. Europe? I dunno.”
She considers it for a second before shaking her head. “Sorry, but I’ve already got plans with John and Martha. I haven’t seen them since… well, since everything happened.”
“Fair enough.”
“But you should swing by when you’re done.”
I smile. “Yeah, sure. I miss Martha’s pie already.”
William raises his hand. “What about my flight?”
“Oh.”
His face falls.
“You forgot already?!”
“No! I didn’t forget. I just...” I glance at Allen, who’s already signalling a waitress for what I sincerely hope is the bill. “Rain check? This whole thing is actually kinda important.”
“Eating?”
Allen turns in his seat. “Cultural exchange.”
“...Fine. But I’m holding you to it. Mark, give him my number.”
“Fuck’s sake,” Mark mutters.
Amber laughs and gives his arm a squeeze before he gets up from the booth.
“Will I see you later?” she asks.
“Yeah.” Mark leans down for his backpack and kisses her. “I’ll call when we’re done.”
“You’d better.”
He starts to move away before stopping. “Oh, and my clothes! I’ll leave them in my bag in the closest alley.”
“I’ll grab them for you… if a hobo hasn’t nabbed them, that is,” she says. “Don’t count on me to fight him over it.”
Mark shudders. “Hope not. It’s already happened once. Unlike you two, I can’t create my costume from nothing.”
“Too bad,” Eve says, bumping her shoulder into mine.
I give her a grin over my shoulder as I stand. Allen squeezes himself out of the booth and pats his stomach. We step out of the diner and file into an alley. I fly up to the rooftop with Allen, sliding my ring on and suiting up in a flash of light.
Current Charge: 67%
A few minutes later, Mark floats up to meet us. He launches himself into the air without so much as a word, and we shoot after him; the three of us climb through the sky. The good mood is swiftly interrupted by Cecil talking into my ear.
“Ozzy.”
I groan. “...Yeah?”
“Change of plans. I need you back at HQ.”
“Can it wait?”
“Wasn’t a question.”
I look over at Mark and Allen flying beside me. “I’m in the middle of an extremely important diplomatic mission.”
“We have a car ready for you to put into your ring.”
I slow down, and Mark and Allen pull ahead a few paces before stopping. I give them an apologetic smile.
“...Guys? I kind of have to go. Duty calls. And as much as I’d love to continue eating… I don’t think my stomach’s got that alien bandwidth. I am stuffed, man.”
“Really?” Allen looks at me like I’ve said something nuts. “I was just getting started.”
“Yeah, well, some of us aren’t built to eat an entire continent.”
“You’re leaving?” Mark asks. “You’re leaving me alone with him.”
Allen looks between us. “Whoa, what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing!” Mark says quickly. “But food stuff is always better in threes!”
“You’ll be fine.” I pat him on the shoulder. “Besides, I believe in you. Think of all the new foods you can introduce him to.”
“...Ozzy.”
“Maybe hit up Philly for cheesesteaks. Then New York for pizza and bagels on your way up to Canada.”
His eyes narrow. “You were the one who wanted to do this!”
“And now duty calls. What can I say? Being a superhero is a cruel mistress.”
“Welp!” Allen throws an arm around Mark’s shoulders. “Guess it’s just you and me, my man.”
Mark’s expression goes completely flat, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep the laugh in.
“Have fun, guys!”
I laugh and angle back towards GDA headquarters, watching Mark and Allen disappear into the distance behind me. Then, I glance down at my ring in thought over its subspace. That discovery had been somewhat overshadowed by everything else happening yesterday, but now that I actually have a chance to think about it...
That it’s got no limit beyond my own willpower is fucking awesome. How big can I go? A van? Truck? Tank? ...Building, maybe? How would I even put one inside without ripping it out of the ground first? But there has to be some kind of limit. Mass, volume, charge consumption, something. Otherwise I could start carrying around enough shit to make Batman jealous.
Then again, nothing I’ve put in there has cost me any charge so far.
Imagine showing up to some apocalypse with a warehouse worth of supplies on my finger. Or carrying a fucking ambulance around everywhere. Someone gets hurt? Boom. Hospital on wheels. I grin as I accelerate.
Yeah, alright. Cecil wins this one. Sorry, Mark, but stuffing increasingly ridiculous objects into my ring sounds way more fun than watching Allen inhale food.
“ETA?” Cecil asks.
“Like five minutes. What’ve you got after the car?”
“We’re working our way up.”
“...Oh Cecil, you beautiful bastard!”
“Don’t ever call me that again. Just get here.”
“Oh, you’ve definitely got a tank.”
I pick up speed.
Priority alert.
The sudden green pop-up forces me to pump the brakes. There’s only one kind of alert I’ve authorised and it’s from my satellite. My smile falls off my face.
“...What is it?”
Tracked individual aboard unidentified craft departing Earth’s atmosphere.