Ihyeon, frozen blankly for a moment because he didn’t know what to say, moved his lips.
“…Since when?”
— About a month.
“……”
The last image of Father Ihyeon remembered was him shouting at him with a face full of rage. Back then he had been agitated, aggressive, and looked stronger than anyone. And that man had cancer. It didn’t feel real.
“…What about treatment.”
— It’s not that recovery is impossible, but they said the location isn’t good… sob…
After that came a faint sound of crying. Ihyeon, who had briefly frozen at the unexpected news, came to his senses and began moving his hands again. He ran his tongue along the inside of his cheek and unfolded the receipt he had tightly folded.
— It must be that God cherishes your father greatly. That’s why He’s trying to take him so quickly…
Ihyeon listened silently to his mother speaking in a tear-mixed voice, face expressionless. Is there another son who hears that his father is sick this calmly?
“……”
He understood the feelings of his mother calling after several years, yet he still didn’t know what reaction to show. What emotion he was supposed to feel, and what he was supposed to say.
He simply listened to the voice coming through the phone while brushing his fingertips over the receipt whose edges had worn down from being folded and unfolded countless times.
Her voice, sometimes choked with sobs and sometimes worried, had at some point gone quiet.
When Ihyeon, belatedly noticing the heavy silence, opened his mouth to say something, his mother spoke again.
— So… Ihyeon, I know it’s a little awkward to ask this, but do you maybe have a lump sum of savings…?
His lips parted slightly, then pressed shut firmly. Looking down at the receipt now as dirty as a rag, Ihyeon only blinked quietly.
— Your sister’s getting married soon, and this happened right in the middle of the preparations, so we couldn’t help at all. I feel too embarrassed to bring it up to Mr. Kim…
“……”
— I heard from Seohyeon that you’ve been working various jobs. Not forever — just about a year — and we might be able to sort out your father’s frozen bank account…
Ihyeon’s lips parted, and a faint breathy laugh slipped out. He had expected there must be some other reason she contacted him after seven years, but hearing it said outright still left a bitter taste in his mouth.
He could vividly recall Father shouting that he had never had a child like him — hurling curses, calling him a demon led astray by Satan.
The white school uniform shirt turning red from the wine glass thrown carelessly. The sunset light from outside scattering after reflecting off the cross on the wall. The people standing silent as mice, rolling their eyes with disgust.
Every memory was as clear and clean as if it had happened yesterday.
— Ihyeon, are you listening?
At the cautious voice, Ihyeon set down the scrap of paper he had been gripping tightly. It looked more like trash than a receipt. He stared at it quietly, then pushed away the sentences stuck somewhere between his throat and solar plexus and barely opened his mouth.
“…Yes. I’m listening.”
— You should slowly settle your heart and come home now. How long are you going to live out there like that? Your father hasn’t said it, but he must be waiting.
Father had exposed his sexual identity in front of the church congregation under the pretense of confessing sin. Ihyeon knew better than anyone that a man who had become an elder pastor would not welcome him now.
But instead of reminding his weak mother of that, Ihyeon lowered his eyes and quietly closed his mouth. A faint shadow formed beneath his dense black eyelashes.
— Ihyeon, I told you back then—
Jingle.
Over his mother’s continuing voice, an unusually cheerful sound overlapped. When he raised his head, he saw someone with bright hair opening the cafe door and entering. It was Ye Eunho, whom he felt he hadn’t seen in months.
Looking around, Eunho spotted Ihyeon and gave a short wave with one hand. Watching his friend head straight to the counter and look up at the menu, Ihyeon opened his tightly shut lips.
— You should meet a nice girl too and date—
“Sorry, I think I need to hang up now.”
— Oh… is that so?
“I’ll think about what you said and contact you.”
Lowering his gaze, Ihyeon hesitated before continuing.
“…It’s a large amount for me too.”
He quietly added while repeating the amount his mother mentioned in his head. The person on the other end fell silent for a moment, then sighed softly.
— …All right. Do that.
The response sounded faintly resentful, but Ihyeon didn’t care and began tidying the table. After crumpling the worn receipt together with a tissue and pushing the tray aside, Eunho, now holding his drink, sat across from him.
Toward the silent person on the phone, Ihyeon barely moved his lips.
“…Please tell Father to take care of himself.”
— Okay. It’s cold, so make sure you eat properly too.
“…Yes.”
Click. Ihyeon stared at the call that ended without further reply, then lowered his phone. When he lifted his head, Eunho was staring wide-eyed while sipping an iced latte through a straw.
“What, was that your mom?”
“Yeah.”
“Whoa. What made her call?”
Instead of answering, Ihyeon held the cooled mug with both hands. Looking down at the black americano with a thin sheen of oil floating on top, he calculated the money left in his bank account and next semester’s living expenses in his head.
There was no answer.
“Just… she said she had a favor related to Father.”
“Father? The one who got a suspended sentence for stealing donation money? Don’t tell me she asked if you know any lawyers?”
Unlike calm Ihyeon, Eunho reacted noisily as if it were his own business. Ihyeon shook his head, but Eunho narrowed his eyes and tapped at his phone again.
“Seriously — when they said they’d cut you out of the family registry calling you possessed before you were even twenty, and now they come looking? Where’d they throw their conscience, some temple?”
“…I don’t know.”
“Anyway, whatever your mom said, just pretend you don’t know. No — just think of them as strangers. Seriously. When you were struggling after graduation they didn’t even take a single call, and now suddenly what.”
Even adding up everything in his account, he couldn’t cover the amount his mother mentioned. To grant her request, he would have to look into bank loans, let alone returning to school next semester. A hollow laugh escaped.
The sudden news made his head feel bleached white. While thinking about what to do, the logo on the clothes Eunho wore and the car key casually lying on the table kept catching his eye.
Looking at Eunho grumbling at his phone with narrowed eyes, Ihyeon opened his mouth without realizing.
“Ye Eunho. Maybe—”
“Huh?”
“…No.”
“What? Why stop halfway?”
Eunho, busily moving his fingers, lifted his head and met Ihyeon’s gaze. Ihyeon pressed his lips shut and shook his head.
They had known each other for over nine years since high school. He didn’t want to cause worry by saying something unnecessary.
“It’s nothing. Finish what you were doing.”
“What the— stopping mid-sentence…. But why is this guy texting constantly when he said he had an important meeting?”
After glancing at Ihyeon, Eunho frowned and resumed moving his fingers quickly. Ihyeon turned his gaze away and looked back out the window. Leaning deep into the chair made the winter sky seem higher.
He had lived thinking he had no family, yet it was laughable he couldn’t firmly reject them in moments like this. He hadn’t even answered his mother yet but was already thinking about where to get money, and he felt something like self-disgust.
Why can’t I cut them off completely. Family… what the hell is that.
The clear winter sky felt especially cruel today. Ihyeon placed a finger against the spotless transparent glass.
A pale smear spread from his fingertip.
Like white mold blooming.