I didn’t talk to Cha Seokhyeon when the other members were around. It was better if they thought we’d had a fight. Better for Cha Seokhyeon to seduce Kang Yejun.
That son of a bitch Kang Yejun hated me even back then. We barely spoke, but he still picked fights with me one-sidedly. Every time we went on the radio, he’d get all excited and screw me over.
With that innocent little smile on his face, he’d pull shit like, “I guess Yuha hates me. I want to get closer to him, but he’s so cold to me, you know?” He played a pretty solid role in why I had almost no fans. Though most of it was probably my own fault for looking bored every time we were on air.
That was easier for me.
Once you set your image as bright and cheerful, you had to keep it up forever. You had to grin like an idiot even on days when you felt like shit, and you had to keep laughing even off camera. How was that supposed to be normal? And if you went back and forth depending on your mood, even weirder rumors would spread for sure.
I didn’t want to stand out like that.
I glanced out the window. It was pitch-dark outside. Going out at an hour when I should have been holed up in the dorm, all to do some stupid bullshit, put me in a foul mood.
What the fuck am I doing?
I chewed down a curse and left the room.
“Where are you going?”
“Why are you acting like you know me?”
“No one’s here. They both went out.”
Cha Seokhyeon was hovering near me.
“How’s Kang Yejun?”
“We’ve kissed.”
“Are you insane? For real?”
I stopped halfway through putting on my shoes and turned to look at Cha Seokhyeon.
Wow. They really weren’t kidding when they said there wasn’t a dick he hadn’t touched. Kang Yejun didn’t seem to give a shit whether it was a member or not.
“Does he seem to have anyone else?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Watch him carefully. If it looks like he has a sponsor, tell me no matter what.”
“Where are you going?”
Cha Seokhyeon caught me before I could leave.
“It’s been so long. Can’t you stay home?”
“How did you seduce Kang Yejun?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m going to seduce a gay guy.”
He froze and said nothing.
I left him like that and went outside. The cold wind of a winter night slapped against my body.
Fuck, it’s cold.
I shoved my hands into my coat and stepped out onto the street. I caught a taxi, told the driver my destination, and leaned back against the seat.
The DJ’s voice drifted from the radio.
They say it’s going to snow tonight. It may even become a heavy snowfall late tonight, so it would be best to head home early today, right? I’m planning to go straight home once the radio show ends, too.
I looked up at the sky beyond the taxi window. It was completely black. It didn’t look like snow would fall.
I clicked my tongue.
Spend it with good people, my ass.
That bastard had better be at the club.
Kang Yejun had told that story hundreds of times. Said the gangster bastard talked to him first at a gay club. Said they met like it was fate. When I told him that no matter how he dressed it up, it was still just sex and a sponsor relationship, he’d practically foamed at the mouth.
The taxi driver’s voice cut in.
“We’re here, sir.”
I paid and got out.
As I exhaled a white plume of breath, one stupidly perfect white snowflake drifted down.
The music slammed against my eardrums.
I blocked one ear with my index finger and walked forward. The place was packed with men clinging all over each other, sticky and intimate, like every damn person in there was gay.
Look at me, living long enough to come to a gay club.
Even if the gangster bastard was here, finding him would be the real problem.
Fuck. A gangster bastard would probably get a table or a room.
Just in case, I scanned the guys dancing, but there were so many people crammed together I couldn’t see shit.
I was frowning when some bastard smiled coyly and dragged his index finger down my chest.
My face twisted on reflex. I smoothed it back out like nothing had happened and wrapped an arm around the man’s waist.
“First time here, right? There’s no way I’d forget a face like yours.”
“I came looking for someone.”
“You’re not gay?”
The man looked suspicious.
I tightened my arm around his waist and pulled him flush against me. His face flushed.
There are gay guys uglier than Kang Yejun, huh.
Thinking that, I softened my voice.
“Do I not look like one?”
“……Want to go outside?”
“After I find someone. Can you help me?”
Even if I found the guy, I had no intention of having sex with this bastard.
How the fuck was I supposed to shove my dick into some dirty asshole?
I’d thought Kang Yejun had fast hands after hearing he’d kissed Cha Seokhyeon, but apparently not. Maybe he was being careful because Cha was a member.
As far as I knew, Kang Yejun and that gangster bastard had fucked on their first meeting. Kang Yejun bragged so much about how insanely compatible they were in bed.
I narrowed my eyes.
But why the fuck did that bastard think that was something to brag about to me?
Now that I thought about it, it pissed me off all over again.
The man looked up at me.
“Are you listening?”
I nodded half-heartedly.
With only a rough description of the person I was looking for, the man understood right away.
I smiled gently and asked, “You said he came yesterday too, right? Have you seen him today?”
The man shook his head and said, “I’m not sure. If he’s here, he’s probably in the bathroom. Want me to go with you?”
I shook my head. Then I lied easily, telling him to wait here and that I’d be right back.
The man must have been innocent in all the wrong places, because he believed me without question.
I pushed through people’s shoulders as I searched for the bathroom. The bastards I bumped into started to turn as if to curse at me, then stopped.
My face must have looked pretty fucking intense.
I was about to see the bastard who killed me again, and my heart was pounding hard. It had been a long damn time since I’d gotten this emotional, enough that it almost felt strange.
What if I tore his jaw open the second I saw him?
I still had to cut off that son of a bitch’s dick too.
Apparently that bastard was also enough of a gay fucker to rival Kang Yejun, because he was a regular at this club. Amazing that a guy who swapped men every week had managed to date Kang Yejun for so long.
Maybe great gays just got along great.
Or maybe their compatibility in bed really had been that fucking good.
Ah, found it.
As I neared the bathroom, the music grew distant. It really was tucked away in a corner.
I clicked my tongue and went inside.
“Mmh, nnngh… haah……!”
The fuck? Was that moaning?
My feet stopped dead.
I gave a hollow laugh, too stunned to do anything else.
Wet, slapping sounds rang out. The panting moans were disgusting enough to make me sick. Only then did I understand what that guy from earlier had meant. When he said the bastard would be in the bathroom, he meant he’d be fucking in the bathroom.
That was a disease too.
Why the hell would anyone fuck in a filthy bathroom?
I figured I’d wait until they were done, so I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms.
Let’s see what kind of stamina this gangster bastard has.
The moans grew sharper and sharper.
The bastard doing the thrusting didn’t make a single sound.
Now I wasn’t sure if it really was the gangster bastard.
The one getting fucked was damn talkative.
Good, good, mmh, there…! Harder!!!
Was he just that sensitive, or did he always talk like that?
He screamed that he was coming.
I tapped my crossed arm with my fingertips.
If they went for another round, I was just going to kick the stall open and check the bastard inside.
I didn’t need to listen to filthy fucking sounds twice.
A belt buckle clinked shut. Thankfully, it seemed they were done.
The stall door opened, and I grinned.
“You must have been in a hurry. Fucking in a bathroom and everything.”
The gangster bastard scowled.
Fuck, how did this bastard’s face look like that even three years ago? Did he have that face as a baby too?
I looked past the gangster bastard at the man sprawled on the floor, panting.
I’d wondered, but thankfully, it wasn’t Kang Yejun.
“Wow. You must have pounded him pretty hard. He’s completely wiped out.”
“What are you?”
“What’s your type?”
I slowly approached the gangster bastard.
I felt like my insides were about to burst. I shoved down the murderous intent boiling inside me and smiled like an innocent little thing.
“Men who are good in bed? Men who suck dick well? Either way, you do like men, right?”
“What, are you saying you want to get beaten?”
“Brooo.”
“…….”
“Let’s have sex.”
He went rigid, staring down at me.
For someone who had just fucked, heat gathered in his eyes fast.
Right. There was no way a nasty-tempered bastard like Kang Yejun would call someone “brooo” for no reason.
I grabbed his hand and pulled it toward me, rising on my toes to press myself close to him. I laced my fingers through his callused, solid hand.
Then I laughed softly beside his ear and whispered, “You’re going to leave with me, right?”
*****
Sitting in the passenger seat, I stared out the window out of sheer boredom.
Silent snowflakes fell through the winter night.
I needed to get back before they started piling up by dawn.
The problem was, I couldn’t figure out this bastard’s type.
I thought maybe he liked innocent guys, so I made a fuss about how nice the car was, asked if it was his car, asked when he’d started driving, and basically acted like a whole idiot.
He told me I was noisy and to shut up.
Then I wondered if he liked cute, clingy guys, so I twisted my voice as much as possible and went, “Brooo, why would you say something like that?”
He told me to shut up before he beat me.
No matter how many times I recalled the few occasions I’d run into him before, I couldn’t guess his type at all.
Whenever we’d happened to cross paths, he and I had ignored each other. Sometimes, when I was in a rotten mood, I’d acknowledge him.
“Boss, your face is glowing today too!”
If I said shit like that with a sly grin, the gangster bastard would grind his teeth, but I’d just pretend not to notice, greet him, and go on my way.
Fuck. Was that why he said he hated me?
When I glanced at the gangster bastard, he must have felt my stare, because he opened his mouth.
“Turn your eyes back.”
“Yes, yes.”
I answered flatly and turned my head.
“You’re insane, aren’t you?”
“Where did that come from?”
“Your personality keeps switching.”
“People don’t only have one side to them. Ever heard of variety?”
I slid my hand into my coat pocket and toyed with a small packet of powder.
“What’s your goal?”
“Sex.”
“How did you know me?”
“I don’t.”
The gangster bastard gave me a strange look.
“I don’t even know your name.”
“Want your tongue cut out?”
“You’d have to tell me your name first for me to know it.”
“This guy really is crazy.”
The man gave a dry laugh, then slammed on the brakes.
It was abrupt enough that, for a second, I wondered if I was going to die again just like this.
The car screeched to a stop.
My body pitched forward, then snapped back. In that same instant, the bastard unbuckled his seatbelt and lunged toward me. He reclined my seat and pressed his left arm against my throat.
“Tell me straight if you don’t want to die. What are you?”
I got annoyed.
What the hell was his problem?
Was he some independence fighter under constant threat of assassination?
A gangster bastard had agreed to one round of sex, and now he was throwing every kind of fit imaginable.
I exhaled once, then smashed my forehead into his skull with all my strength.
While he staggered, I grabbed his shoulders, shoved him back into his seat, and climbed on top of him. He immediately threw a punch like he was about to hit me. I caught it naturally, forced our fingers together, and pinned his hand down.
Then I lowered my head and looked quietly down at him.
“I’m just asking for one round of sex. Why are you so sensitive?”
“You crazy fucker, get off me right now.”
“You’ll hit me if I move.”
“You filthy son of a bitch, do you really want to get beaten?”
I brushed his hair back with my left hand, revealing his reddened forehead. As if I felt sorry for him, I carefully stroked his forehead and said,
“Do I look like I’m going to kill you?”
“What the—”
“Do you want me to? Want me to squeeze your throat like you did?”
“Hey.”
“Relax. Why would I do that?”
I lifted both hands in an exaggerated motion and acted playful.
The gangster bastard let out an incredulous breath. The wariness and tension seemed to drain out of him.
He probably wouldn’t hit me now.
I got off the gangster bastard and moved into the driver’s seat.
I’ve never driven before. Can I even do this?
I did have a license.
Well, I’d figure it out somehow.
Just as I was about to start the car, the gangster bastard muttered in a bone-chilling voice,
“Touch my car and you’re really dead.”
The sincerity came through loud and clear.
I took my hands off the car and grinned shamelessly.
“Boss, right this way! Let’s switch seats! Driving really should be left to you, Boss!”
The gangster bastard’s face turned even nastier.