“Ruth joined Lilith? What are you talking about?”
Right after hearing the news, I bluntly asked Oliver, my roommate and a member of Lilith, whom I ran into briefly in the hallway while moving to our next class. We couldn’t have a long conversation, but I couldn’t hold back my curiosity. Reluctantly stopping his steps, he frowned and replied.
“There’s no helping it. He passed the test.”
“Passed the test?”
I immediately regretted saying that. That day was the very day of the initiation test. I had dismissed it as a cruel joke, but it was indeed a proper test—and Lucien really did pass. Oliver looked at me with annoyance as I blinked in confusion.
“This is all your fault.”
With only that, he turned around and strode away. I stood there dumbfounded, unable to stop him, and finally turned back unwillingly. What on earth was going on? I couldn’t understand it at all. Lucien surely understood what I said—so what was this? I couldn’t find an answer by myself. Unluckily, it was a day when Lucien had no classes overlapping with mine. I just waited impatiently for lunch.
“Dilly.”
At the cafeteria, Lucien was already waiting. He had grabbed a seat beforehand and waved at me excitedly when he saw me. His face looked the same as the day before, if not better, which left me momentarily dumbfounded. Normally, I would have waved back, but today I was too preoccupied. I quickly grabbed some food and headed toward where he was sitting.
“Hey, you got in yesterday well…”
“Didn’t you say you joined Lilith?”
Ignoring Lucien’s greeting, I immediately spilled out my questions. He blinked in surprise at my reaction, clearly not expecting it, but it didn’t matter to me. I hurried to resolve the burning question.
“Really? Why? What were you thinking? Is this a joke?”
Raising and lowering my hands while shaking my head, Lucien stared at me silently before slowly opening his mouth.
“Why? Is there a problem?”
“Of course there is.”
I interrupted him sharply.
“You want to go there after what happened? I told you joining Lilith was none of my business. Don’t you get it yet? You don’t have to join to be my friend.”
Frustrated, I said this, but Lucien answered in the same slow manner.
“I know.”
“What?”
I frowned deeply as I asked, and Lucien continued.
“I know that I’m ‘one of your friends.’”
I was suddenly at a loss for words. His oddly drawn-out tone irritated me for some reason. Why? He was just repeating what I said.
“Well, so… you don’t really have to join Lilith.”
“I don’t care.”
As I was about to continue, Lucien cut me off. Surprised, I paused, and he added calmly.
“It doesn’t concern you. I’m joining Lilith because I want to.”
“Uh…”
I made a dumbfounded sound again. I just blinked, and Lucien nonchalantly forked some salad into his mouth.
Hesitating, I cautiously opened my mouth.
“So… you just wanted to join Lilith? So you took the test?”
“Yeah.”
His tone was so casual it threw me off. I had nothing to say, but Lucien ate as if nothing had changed. Remembering how I’d been running around panicking after hearing about his initiation a few days ago suddenly made me feel foolish. But Lucien didn’t seem to care about my reaction at all. I stayed silent, only eating.
“What about rowing?”
After lunch, as we headed to our classrooms, I hurriedly asked a practical question. After all, I had pulled Lucien in because of rowing. If he suddenly gave up rowing for Lilith, it would all be pointless. I felt frustrated and nervous, and unexpectedly, he answered brightly.
“I decided to take a break from rowing for a while because of Lilith activities.”
“W-what?”
I raised my voice unintentionally, stunned.
“You’re quitting? Because of Lilith? Changing clubs? Think again. Rowing came first. You have to do rowing!”
Angrily pressing him, Lucien looked surprised but shook his head.
“I’ll keep doing it.”
“Huh?”
I froze, not understanding. Lucien continued as if it was nothing.
“I’m going to row too. Just taking a break for now.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I couldn’t accept it and sighed. Lucien said.
“I’m going to practice alone for a while. I already talked to the coach.”
“Practice alone?”
I repeated his unexpected words blankly. Lucien nodded at me willingly.
“There are a lot of problems, right? Everyone just gets in the way during practice. I said I want to practice alone for a bit before joining group practice again, and they agreed.”
He spoke smoothly like he had it all planned, but I was still puzzled. Practice alone? Was there such a facility? Lucien answered readily.
“No, I bought equipment. So I can practice anytime.”
“Uh…”
Bought it? A rowing machine? Just for one race? Or for a candidate who might not even compete?
I suddenly remembered he was the youngest son of Hearst Steel. And also that he used one of the few single rooms in the dorm thanks to his special traits.
“So, you mean you’ll do Lilith activities while rowing?”
“Yeah. I’m definitely competing.”
He smiled as if to reassure me. Suddenly, I lost the words to say.
“Uh… alright, then… good. So for now, you’ll be busy with Lilith… When will you come back to the rowing team?”
Awkwardly scratching the back of my head, I asked. I was angry but had no way to vent. As I couldn’t grasp my own feelings, Lucien answered.
“In two months.”
“Two months?”
I stopped scratching my head and widened my eyes. Lucien smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, two months is enough.”
I had no idea what was enough. Two months would be almost the end of the semester. The competition was at the start of the next semester, and practice time was ridiculously short. What exactly was he planning?
Was he thinking it didn’t matter since he was just a candidate?
Maybe that was the truth. After all his words about it being because of me, his real goal was Lilith.
I had so much to say but kept silent. Whatever I said, Lucien probably wouldn’t listen. I had no clue what he was thinking. But there was nothing I could do. He said he already talked to the coach, so what else?
His words seemed loaded with meaning, but there was no more time. Realizing lunch was almost over, my motivation to ask disappeared, so I just said I understood.
“Why is Ruth quitting rowing?”
Emilio asked urgently the moment he saw my face. He probably heard from the coach but still it wasn’t enough. I didn’t have any answers for him either.
“He’s not quitting… He said he’d rest for a while and come back.”
“Rest? What does that even mean?”
Emilio twisted his usually cute face into a grimace. It was both pitiful and cute, but this wasn’t the time to laugh foolishly.
“I honestly don’t know either. Anyway, he said he’s coming back, so we just have to wait. He said he already talked to the coach, so there’s nothing else to do.”
At my words, Emilio sighed resignedly and headed back to his seat. I watched his back as I slowly sat in my usual place. Practice was about to start, but I couldn’t settle my mind. At first, I was so stunned by the sudden situation that I spent time processing it, but the more time passed, the more my emotions flared up.
What the hell did I do?
Anger came late. As I moved mechanically, my mind gradually cooled. I had been in confusion all along, but it was nothing special. The situation was simple: Lucien just wanted to join Lilith and passed a harsh test to get in. That was it.
But I’d been running around like a madman that cold winter night trying to save that bastard.
I almost sighed “Ha!” aloud. And foolishly felt an unwarranted camaraderie all by myself.
I even confessed a secret I’d kept hidden so long.
Trying to swallow my breath, I deliberately looked away for a moment and bit my lip. Oliver was right. Lucien’s goal wasn’t me but Lilith itself. I’d made a huge mistake.
Was I a self-absorbed narcissist?
The more I thought about it, the redder my face got with shame. It was such an arrogant thought—Lucien risking everything for me, and me even thinking about responsibility.
My face got hotter and hotter, making me restless. I wanted to jump into a cold lake to cool down, but it was winter, and both the lake and river were frozen solid. All I could do was breathe deeply and calm myself.
That wasn’t important now.
I was furious at myself for recklessly spilling secrets. What if Lucien told someone? What if he sold my secret to the Lilith people? They loved snitches.
It’s okay. No one trusts anything Lucien Hearst says.
I tried to think as rationally as possible. There was no proof. I could just deny ever saying it.
What if there was a recording?
There was no answer. A groan escaped from my throat as my anger surged again.
“Avery, snap out of it! We’re only halfway through!”
The coach’s shout startled me back to reality. I hurriedly fixed my posture and pulled the handbar again.
Come to think of it, he was a little different lately.
Still skinny and frail-looking, but something about his physique and appearance had changed. Definitely something different.
Confidence, maybe.
If that came from joining Lilith, then the answer was simple—and very reasonable. Looking back, I became sure. The way Lucien looked at me, the faint smile on his lips…
It was the first time I’d seen that side of him, so I was a bit confused. I foolishly thought confidence was such an important thing for a person, but on the other hand, it gave me a creepy feeling. Suddenly, the things I’d heard about Lucien felt real.
Extreme Alphas are all sociopaths.
For some reason, I felt like I could understand that.
Time flew by. Lucien sometimes greeted me with a glance, but that was all. We didn’t eat together, or acknowledge each other in class. He hung out with the Lilith people, and before I knew it, I was the loner.
That didn’t mean I had no friends at all. I was fairly social and managed to build some acquaintances and meal companions. Not close friends like before, but enough to get by at school. Since college entrance was approaching, there was no point in making new friends. So I kept a comfortable distance to avoid loneliness.
For a while, I couldn’t sleep worrying that Lucien might be talking about me, but over time I forgot. Eventually, I even got a foolish confidence, thinking “Why would Ruth say those things? And what could happen if he did?” Time passed slowly, spring came, and the lake’s ice began to melt—and the school experienced a big change.
“What? The president dropped out?”
The sudden news made me shout without meaning to. The guy who told me nodded seriously and continued.
“I don’t know what he did exactly, but it happened suddenly. He apparently left the dorm yesterday.”
I was dumbfounded and just blinked. Hearing that another Lilith member was gone was on a chilly afternoon when the cold finally started to break.
That made five gone already.
I drifted off as I half-listened to other guys changing the subject. When did Lilith members start disappearing one by one? It began with the vice president. One day he suddenly fell down the stairs and got seriously injured. Unfortunately, he hit his head and was in a coma for nearly a month. He barely regained consciousness but would need a long recovery before returning to school.
Then came the president. He mysteriously fell into the lake and almost died. It was the dead of winter, so everyone wondered why the solid ice broke and why he was there at midnight. Speculation ran wild, but he gave no answers and fled the school. Then whoever was elected president or vice president next also met accidents. Lilith’s reputation tanked, and no one wanted to join anymore.
With only a few members left, the newly elected president dropping out was unbelievable.
“Lilith’s cursed by the devil.”
Ridiculous childish rumors like that made some sense. After all these misfortunes in a row, it was natural. One early morning when I was deep asleep, my roommate Oliver left the school. When I woke up to my alarm, he was gone. There was no note, just rumors that he transferred. That same night, Lucien came to my room.