“Has Hearst not shown up again?”
The coach’s harsh voice echoed loudly through the room. No one answered; we just looked at each other. Of course, I was the same. Emilio looked at me as if asking, but I only shook my head. The coach couldn’t hide his anger, cursing under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.
“That bastard seemed like he was getting useful, then he pulls this? If he’s going to act like this, he should quit entirely. This isn’t a playground where he comes and goes as he pleases, what is this, a homeless shelter? What’s with his behavior? A worthless punk!”
He was still throwing harsh words at Lucien, but I couldn’t get angry or protest. Lucien hadn’t shown up to the rowing team at all since that day.
What the hell happened?
I was just as frustrated and silently focused on practice. Brad spoke up during a short break.
“Did something happen that day?”
He asked abruptly, but I caught his meaning immediately. It had been a week since practice ended and we went out to eat together. Since then, Lucien had been skipping practice.
Not just practice. He wasn’t attending classes either. There weren’t many classes we shared, but even at lunchtime when we overlapped, he wasn’t around. No one knew anything about him. Naturally, because I was his only friend.
“I don’t know.”
I answered honestly. Brad blinked in disbelief. I sighed and explained.
“He’s not answering calls or coming to class. Haven’t seen him since.”
He looked utterly baffled and walked away. I wanted to ask what had happened. I knew I had upset him, but I had no idea what, and it was maddening.
Why wouldn’t he talk? Why hide?
We go to the same school, so why can’t I see him at least in class?
But I couldn’t get any answers. He didn’t even pick up his phone. Teachers wouldn’t say anything, citing privacy. They only said Lucien was fine, so don’t worry.
After a week like this, I was starting to get tired.
Why is he so petty?
If he was mad, shouldn’t we talk it out? Running away like this is cowardly. Or does he think I wouldn’t understand? That I can’t communicate with him?
“That can’t be.”
I deliberately muttered aloud. I couldn’t stop negative thoughts, but I had to try not to go there. Unless Lucien spoke, all this was just my wild guessing.
Sighing, I got back on the rowing machine. After the last training, the coach declared that starting the next session, we’d finally go out on the lake.
“The ice has melted, so it’s time. Once you get used to it, we’ll set the order. We’ll time you, so give your best.”
He clapped his hands and encouraged us before dismissing. We dragged our tired bodies and headed to the dorm.
Was he disappointed because I liked someone else?
I pondered this deeply during a hot shower. It was the only explanation. When you like someone, you tend to neglect friends.
He saw me as disloyal.
Maybe it was natural for him, just like me, to hope he was my only friend. But I already liked someone else, so it didn’t make sense. There are many types of relationships and even more feelings.
You’re my most precious friend.
I decided to say that when I saw him next. Not just a friend, but my best friend. So he didn’t need to worry.
I sighed as I turned off the shower.
I just hope he shows up soon….
But it didn’t happen easily. Days passed, then weeks, and just as I was about to give up, I got a call from Lucien—almost a month later.
“What happened!”
Seeing the caller ID, I answered and immediately shouted. On the other side came a hesitant response.
“…Dilly?”
“Of course it’s me!”
I shouted again, then suddenly felt drained, sighing and collapsing onto my bed.
“Seriously, what happened? Do you know how worried I was?”
“…You were worried?”
Lucien asked. His voice was soft and low, almost pitiful. Was he sick? Worry hit me suddenly, washing away my anger and frustration.
“Of course, Lucien. We’re friends.”
I struggled to say what I’d been holding back.
“You’re my closest friend. You’re the only one I can open up to like this.”
We even shared my only secret.
He was silent for a moment. What was he thinking? I had many questions but held back, afraid if I pushed he’d shut down again.
“…What if.”
“Yeah?”
After a long pause, he finally spoke. I answered quickly. I heard a deep breath, then Lucien said,
“What if I’m not cute anymore?”
“What?”
“Answer me.”
His sudden question made me ask back without thinking.
“What will you do if I change? If I’m not small or cute?”
He must have been shocked by the ‘like a little brother’ comment. I answered sincerely.
“I don’t care what you look like. I’m okay with any version of you.”
“…Any version?”
He repeated my words. I nodded firmly and repeated,
“I’m okay with whatever you are. You’re you.”
He was silent again. I wanted to know his expression, but couldn’t. I regretted not video calling but waited for him to speak. Finally, I couldn’t hold back and carefully asked,
“Will you come to practice?”
A trembling sigh came from the other side. After a pause, he answered,
“I’m a bit sick right now.”
“Sick?”
The counselor said he was fine, so maybe she just dodged the question? Do Extreme Alphas get sick? Well, of course—they’re human after all. But most illnesses…
Lost in thoughts, Lucien spoke again.
“Don’t worry, I’ll go back to practice. Just resting now because I’m not feeling well.”
I remembered he’d promised this before. Though the reason was different, I trusted his words immediately.
“When?”
I wanted a definite answer, since it was hard to get through. If he promised, he’d show up. I asked with unfounded confidence. Then I heard a low laugh, and my heart sank.
Why am I nervous?
Lucien was just laughing, yet my cheeks flushed. Flustered, I shook my head like a dog and put the phone back to my ear. His voice came again.
“I can’t promise an exact date. But I’ll come back as soon as possible, I promise.”
Maybe that was the best I could get. Sick people can’t promise exact recovery times. I thought it was a big step forward and stepped back.
“Okay.”
I answered obediently. Lucien said,
“You’re so kind, Dilly.”
His tone was like talking to a puppy. I grimaced but let it slide. It was nothing. But I didn’t forget to remind him.
“You have to come, Lucien.”
I relayed what the coach said.
“The ice is almost gone, and next training we’ll launch the boats. We’ll decide the order. You’re a reserve...”
I hurriedly added, guessing he’d ask why it mattered to me.
“If you do well, you might become a player.”
Even as I said it, I doubted it was possible. But I wanted to say as much as I could to Lucien.
Maybe sensing my heart, Lucien laughed softly.
“I’ll come.”
I smiled, feeling relieved.
“I’ll hang up now, I want to rest.”
His voice was tired; I couldn’t hold him longer. I said okay and wished him a speedy recovery. After hanging up, the silence around me felt overwhelming. No sounds at all. I deliberately breathed heavily, but it only made the emptiness worse. Staring at the dead phone, I sighed.
A bit... lonely.
I think I liked Lucien more than I thought. Remembering when he came in through the window to share pizza, I lay down alone. Suddenly I woke up and opened my eyes. The window was firmly shut and, of course, wouldn’t open.
“Okay, everyone, stand straight! Hold the boat properly and move forward!”
Following the coach’s order, we lined up holding our boats and headed to the dock. It was my first time putting a boat in the water, and I was very nervous. The others who had been on the rowing team longer seemed nervous too. Maybe it was excitement rather than nervousness. After a winter of indoor machine training, we were finally getting on boats.
“Be careful! If the boat gets scratched, you won’t be allowed to compete!”
The coach shouted again. We focused and carefully put the boats down. We sat in the boats as the coach assigned; I was number five.
Not bad.
I praised myself for decent results considering I started just a few months ago. Of course, my goal was number eight—the seat right across from the coxswain. Moving up a single spot wasn’t easy. But having come this far, I was determined to achieve it. So I practiced both starboard and port sides. Ready to row forward at any time.
“Keep the oars horizontal!”
The coach emphasized again. We all replied at once and corrected our grip on the oars. The boat slowly moved toward the center of the lake. Today was about regaining the feel of rowing on water, not speed. I peeked forward but couldn’t see the coxswain from my seat—only the broad back of the guy in front. I forced a smile to hide my disappointment.
Practice went smoothly. Maybe thanks to all the training, our rhythm seemed decent. The coach rode another boat beside us, giving occasional instructions through a megaphone. Small things like correcting timing, turning direction, or rowing longer. He’d probably give detailed feedback later individually. I saw another coach on a different boat diligently taking notes.
Two kilometers was a considerable distance. I thought I practiced a lot on the rowing machine, but rowing on water was a whole new experience. Paddling against the current with my whole body was exhausting. Once the coach decided we’d had enough, he asked us to speed up. We rowed together like one body. Following the coxswain’s commands, steering and rowing, I completely forgot about Emilio, even the thought itself vanished. When we finally turned back and finished training, we were so tired no one could say a word.
“Good job, everyone. Don’t slack off! I’ll hand out individual notes on today’s checks, so memorize them…”
The coach kept talking, but I barely heard. I wasn’t alone in that. After gathering my wits, we headed back from the dock to the practice area in reverse order. We staggered from exhaustion when suddenly Emilio appeared beside me. Startled, I swallowed hard. He smiled playfully and spoke kindly.
“So, how was it? Rowing on the water? Definitely different from on land, right?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Maybe he felt responsible for pulling me into rowing. Emilio was always looking out for me. I welcomed his attention. I wondered what the coach wrote about me. I hoped it wasn’t too bad. As if reading my mind, Emilio said,
“You did really well today, Dilly. You might become the ace soon?”
“Really?”
That was encouraging for me who secretly wished for seat number eight. Emilio smiled and nodded.
“I peeked at the coach’s score sheet, and your name had a star next to it. That’s really good.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.”
Emilio continued with hopeful words.
“They seem to have high expectations for you. Me too.”
Soon, the coach shouted for us to gather, ending our conversation. But I heard all I needed. Sitting on the floor as instructed, the coach explained precautions and the future training plan. My mind filled with the image of me at seat eight, facing Emilio the coxswain.
♪♬♬♫♪♩♪♪……
Humming a tune that slipped out without thinking, I headed to the dorm. My body was heavy but my heart was light. The sun was setting late, and I thought again how it was spring already.
It was already April….
Winter was long gone, and warm air lingered around. Spring break was over, and school was busy. Passing by in a daze, I looked up and the world had changed.
What happened to Lucien?
My excited mood instantly sank. I grew gloomy and slowed my steps. Since then, I hadn’t heard from him. The rowing team no longer talked about Lucien, and silently assumed there was no reserve player. Even Emilio didn’t ask about him. Understandably, I was nearly giving up too.
He should let me know how he’s doing.
I worried since I’d last heard he was sick, but there was nothing I could do. No news, no contact.
“Sigh.”
Just as I sighed deeply again, I saw someone standing by the dorm door. I blinked, puzzled. A visitor at this time? Who could it be? Then I realized he wore the same school uniform as me.
Someone from another dorm?
That was plausible. Sometimes people visit other dorms for trivial reasons or to see friends, so I guessed that was why.
He must be waiting for someone.
Since the door wasn’t locked yet and he stood outside without entering, that was the only reason. I paid no mind and kept walking.
The closer I got, the clearer he came into view. About my height…? Looks similar. I unconsciously evaluated his broad shoulders and back. Still growing, his body wasn’t fully shaped, but he looked impressive even hidden beneath the uniform.
His very dark, almost black hair was cut short above the neck, revealing a thick, long neck. He seemed to have done a lot of muscle training. Seeing his tight uniform jacket, I guessed as much. The neatly ironed uniform had no wrinkles, and shiny shoes peeked below his ankle. Standing with hands in his pockets, back turned, he looked impressive.
Not really my type though.
Embarrassed at having stared at a stranger, I was about to turn away when he moved. Checking his left wrist as if looking at a watch, he sighed heavily and dropped his arms.
Had he been waiting long?
I wondered if I should ask and help. As I turned, our eyes met.
Oh.
Caught staring, I felt embarrassed and quickly looked away. Suddenly, he opened his eyes wide.
Huh? Does he know me?
Confused, I looked around, but only he and I were there. Looking back at him, he was still walking straight toward me.
Did he come looking for me? Why? I’d never seen him before….
Still stunned and unsure, he suddenly stepped right in front of me. Not knowing who he was, I just blinked, and he smiled brightly. His bluish eyes seemed almost violet. Then he spread his arms wide and said,
“Dilly.”
Then he suddenly pulled me into a hug. I froze, eyes wide with surprise. His strong arms held me tight, and I couldn’t move. Breathing became difficult; I panicked but stayed still. A sweet scent filled the air.
What? What?
My head was spinning. What was going on? Dilly? Dilly? Only one person called me that.
Just as I thought that, he buried his nose in my neck and took a deep breath. His breath tickled my skin, and I shivered involuntarily. He laughed.
Oh.
Hearing that familiar laugh, I froze. Then he whispered,
“I missed you, Dilly.”
His voice flowed like a sigh, deep and pleasant. It wasn’t the awkward voice of a growing boy anymore, but a smooth, mature tone. Suddenly, I was jolted awake as if splashed with cold water.
“Hey, wait, let go! Let go, now!”
I shouted, grabbing his arms and pushing him away. Reluctantly letting me go, he stepped back, and I quickly scanned him head to toe before settling on his face again. It was unbelievable but true. I couldn’t believe it.
His sudden growth stunned me, but looking closely, I couldn’t deny it. I opened my mouth, unable to speak, then finally let out a shriek.
“Lu, Lucien? Is that really you?”
He smiled gently. Seeing his narrow eyes fold slightly, I gasped. He answered kindly,
“Yes, Dilly. It’s me.”
I couldn’t reply, and he spread his arms wide, adding proudly,
“I’m back.”
A soft breeze ruffled his hair. I just stared wide-eyed, unable to react. The sweet scent in the air made my head spin again.