The school had become the epicenter of a massive scandal and even Ruan Chen, usually indifferent to the affairs of the world, noticed it now.
The news had likely spread the previous night. Walking through the campus early in the morning, Ruan Chen sensed people pointing subtly in his direction, whispering behind cupped hands. At first, he thought it might be about him and Mu Xinghai, that something between them had been exposed. His heart pricked with unease, like a thousand tiny needles pressing into his back.
But he was a severe introvert. Paranoid and anxious, he didn’t dare ask anyone directly.
It wasn’t until he tried contacting his professor and junior fellow student, both of whom were unreachable, that he realized the truth. Concerned, he approached the school administration to ask discreetly and only then did he understand: the scandal had nothing to do with him. It was the junior fellow student’s affair with the professor that had been exposed and he was merely collateral damage, caught in the fallout.
Even classmates who had barely spoken to him before approached him to gossip. Ruan Chen understood what was happening but he couldn’t bring himself to join in the rumor mongering. He remained tight lipped.
The junior fellow student was being painted as a femme fatale, a manipulative enchantress who left broken hearts in her wake yet still retained devoted admirers. Classmates whispered in admiration and fear, “Another one? Her ex boyfriend even still speaks well of her.”
At first, Ruan Chen didn’t immediately register who they meant but after piecing it together, he realized they were talking about Mu Xinghai. His cheeks burned with a strange, sudden shame. The incident with Mu Xinghai was messy, complicated and far from dignified.
Noticing the flush on his face, a classmate tried to console him: “Senpai, you’re an honest person.”
Ruan Chen thought bitterly: I’m not honest. An honest person wouldn’t end up in an inappropriate relationship with their crush’s ex boyfriend, would they?
Everything seemed to erupt yet simultaneously, nothing had fully erupted.
With the professor absent, classes halted and assignments left unattended, Ruan Chen’s mind raced. What would happen to his thesis? Could he still graduate? Would he need a new advisor? He knew some of the background: Song Laoshi had risen quickly, thanks not only to his talent and academic ability but also to the support of his father in law. If the mother planned to divorce, Song Laoshi would lose that crucial backing. He was still young, still unsteady and with the junior fellow student’s temperament, she might not even want him anymore. That’s why he was in this desperate, fish or cut bait situation.
These were Ruan Chen’s conjectures, of course, not necessarily the truth.
Stories required logic; reality rarely adhered to it yet once something existed, it possessed its own inherent logic, however messy.
None of this really mattered to him.
Ruan Chen forced his mind to dwell on these thoughts to keep it occupied, to prevent himself from drifting toward thoughts of Mu Xinghai.
It’s over. Even he must have seen it, he probably knows now that I like Jiang Tingting, too.
“Ha.”
A knock at the door startled him.
“Who is it?” he called out, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness.
No answer came.
Ruan Chen’s ears burned; his pulse raced. For a brief, irrational moment, he convinced himself that Mu Xinghai must be standing there. Hesitant, he approached the door and asked again, “Who’s there?”
A deep, hoarse, magnetic voice responded: “It’s me.”
Mu Xinghai.
There was no hint of good humor in that voice.
Suddenly, Ruan Chen’s chaotic emotions stilled, not with relief but with a frozen, panic laden stillness. There was no room to maneuver, no escape left.
He lowered his head and opened the door, saying nothing.
Before he could fully open it, Mu Xinghai pushed past him, as though afraid Ruan Chen might change his mind. He pressed close, unyielding, eyes fixed on Ruan Chen, hands clasped behind his back and shut the door behind him.
“Click.”
Ruan Chen’s ears burned hotter.
Mu Xinghai carried a heavy, pungent stench, as though he had rolled through the streets like a beggar. Ruan Chen couldn’t help but glance at him. He had never seen Mu Xinghai like this, his clothes were wrinkled, hair messy, scraggly beard, a sallow complexion, dark bruises under the eyes, bloodshot and wild, a terrifying disarray.
Ruan Chen opened his mouth but words failed him.
Mu Xinghai’s gaze was sharp, furious, as if he wished he could tear Ruan Chen apart. “What’s going on between you and Jiang Tingting?”
There was no point in lying but admitting it outright was equally impossible.
Mu Xinghai raised his hand. The air seemed to thicken with the threat of violence. He slammed his fist against the door, thud!, thud!, thud!
Finally, through clenched teeth, Ruan Chen managed a few words: “I… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Mu Xinghai’s voice was sharp. “What are you sorry for? Explain it to me, carefully.”
“There were times you told me you weren’t around… but you were actually with her.”
“You called her ‘junior fellow’ so affectionately… so tenderly. You can be that intimate, too?”
“You never gave me gifts yet spent so much buying things for her?”
“Tell me clearly, what is this nonsense about Song Laoshi saying you like Jiang Tingting? He must be lying. You don’t like her, do you? You like me, right?”
Ruan Chen was dazed by the intensity of the interrogation. His head sank lower and lower, eyes fixed on his shoes. He muttered a barely audible sound and nodded faintly, almost imperceptibly.
That half answer, ambiguous and tentative, was more tormenting to Mu Xinghai than a flat denial would have been.
“‘Mm’?”
“‘Mm’… what does that mean?” Mu Xinghai’s frustration surged, his chest tightening. What exactly are you admitting to?
He grabbed Ruan Chen by the shoulders, urgency trembling in his grip. “Tell me clearly! Don’t be so vague, don’t leave things hanging like this!”
Ruan Chen’s voice was quiet, flat, measured. “…We’ve already broken up.”
“That doesn’t make it any different,” Mu Xinghai shot back, his voice sharp, burning with indignation.
Ruan Chen turned away, pacing a few steps before hesitating. He circled around the floor slowly, almost ritualistically, as if gathering courage.
Finally, he bent down and lifted a cardboard box from the ground. His hands were steady but his voice carried a strange weight: “I’ve sorted through all the gifts you gave me before. I was planning to return them to you when I had the chance.”
Mu Xinghai’s fury flared red hot in his eyes. Without warning, he struck the box, sending its contents sprawling across the floor. A bottle of men’s cologne smashed, releasing its scent, rich and warm yet with a sharp edge that pricked the senses when it filled the room.
Mu Xinghai’s voice trembled with barely contained rage. “I’m asking you! What the hell is going on between you and Jiang Tingting?”
For nearly half a minute, silence hung thick in the air.
Then Ruan Chen spoke, voice calm and even, almost chilling in its quietness: “It’s exactly as Song Laoshi wrote. That’s what happened.”
“I like the junior fellow student.”
His words were simple, direct yet inside, Ruan Chen’s heart pounded violently, a storm raging within his chest. “I… I was only trying to help her. That’s why I befriended you. I thought… I thought maybe if I got close to you, I could convince you to treat her better.”
Mu Xinghai felt as though he had been humiliated beyond anything he had ever experienced in his life. The sting of betrayal was sharp, bitter, corrosive. Suddenly, a realization struck him, a painful clarity about all the misunderstandings that had clouded his mind.
He asked, voice tight and hoarse, “So… it’s not because you like me?”
Merely speaking the question felt like striking himself across the face.
Ruan Chen hesitated. He didn’t know. He shook his head slowly, almost imperceptibly.
Mu Xinghai stepped closer, his fury tipping into uncontrollable madness. His thoughts were fragmented, violent, venomous. “You don’t like me and yet… you slept with me? You let me touch you like that? How shameless, Ruan Chen! And you actually have the audacity to say you only like women?”
The words came out jagged, raw, like a scream he couldn’t hold back. Every pulse in his body throbbed with anger, humiliation and disbelief. He could barely control himself, his mind consumed by the chaos of betrayal and desire, the two colliding violently in the small space between them.
Ruan Chen stood there, silent, his calmness in the face of Mu Xinghai’s storm cutting even deeper than the anger itself.
The tension was suffocating, each heartbeat a drumbeat echoing in the charged air. The room smelled faintly of the broken cologne, sharp and sweet, mingling with the metallic tang of Mu Xinghai’s rage.
And in that tense, suffocating moment, it was clear: nothing would be the same again.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
Emergency! Someone feed the translator. 🚨☕
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
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ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7