The countdown to the clan massacre is on, and you’re holding a funeral for yourself?!
21: Chapter 21 : Are you crazy?
The countdown to the clan massacre is on, and you’re holding a funeral for yourself?!
Less than a minute after the post went up, the comment section exploded.
Yuya leaned against the corner of the wall, watching the replies flooding the forum inside his mind, his heart completely calm, even wanting to laugh.
Running away was impossible.
Before posting, he had weighed the pros and cons clearly.
On the night of the massacre, Uchiha Itachi would be responsible for the reaping, Obito would handle the clean-up, and Danzo’s Root would be on the perimeter, ready to scrub the site at any moment.
The massive net cast by these three parties had long since covered the Uchiha Clan Compound so tightly that not even a fly could escape.
Daring to run around at a critical moment like this?
That would just be a fancy way of delivering his own head.
Yuya frantically used the process of elimination in his mind.
Begging Uchiha Itachi for protection?
That would be pure brain damage.
He’s the lead surgeon; you’d be sticking your neck out and asking, “Brother, is it comfortable to slash here?” Snitching to the Third Hokage?
That would only earn him a spot on the higher-ups’ “Priority VIP Disposal List” at light speed.
As for facing Obito head-on?
That’s entirely unnecessary.
That cheater can knead space like dough; touch him once, and not even a scrap of you will be left.
After calculating everything, the only trump cards he had left were three things: files, his persona, and loopholes in the system.
The silly netizens in the forum were still outputting like crazy.
“1st Floor: Play dead, bro!
Smear some pig blood, hold a blood bag, lie down in a pile of corpses, and you’ll blend in perfectly!” “3rd Floor: Dig a tunnel and hide in the Konoha septic tank for the night!
Trust me, whoever checks the cesspool is a total sucker!” “7th Floor: Use the Transformation Technique to become a keychain on Sasuke’s backpack!
Lord Itachi is slaughtering the village but sparing his little brother, this move is absolutely as stable as an old dog!” Yuya rolled his eyes at these unreliable suggestions.
Play dead?
Uchiha Itachi’s Sharingan comes with thermal imaging and Chakra vision; to him, the difference between the living and the dead is as clear as a traffic light.
Septic tank?
Obito’s Kamui doesn’t follow the laws of physics at all; he could dig you out even if you burrowed into the Earth’s core.
Using a Transformation Technique to be a keychain in front of a Mangekyo is just a creative way to die.
This generation of netizens really dares to make things up; they don’t see him as a carbon-based lifeform at all.
But the system rules are rigid; he can only accept one high-rated suggestion at a time.
The countdown to the massacre night is almost at the end; this time, he can’t make the wrong choice, and he has to fleece a huge reward!
Yuya took a deep breath and began to take the initiative.
He clattered out a line of text, precisely throwing out his core demand: “Supplementary condition: The plan must be legal, decent, and leave no trace afterward.
The most core point—absolutely no one needs to confirm my corpse!” As soon as these words appeared, the style of the comment section changed instantly.
The netizens finally switched from “Little Genius of Death-Seeking” mode to the “Outlaw” channel in a second.
“34th Floor: Got it, Schrödinger’s death, right?
Everyone treats him as dead, but there’s just no evidence!” “56th Floor: You’ve discovered the blind spot!
The problem is, how to legally turn a disappearance into an official death?” The thread refreshed rapidly as everyone started frantically probing the loopholes in Konoha’s system.
Soon, a reply from the ID [Underworld Legal Consultant] surged ahead, with its likes skyrocketing to the top.
“Brother, open up your perspective!
Don’t think about how to escape; you need to think about how to ‘physically disconnect’ afterward!” “Didn’t you go to the Konoha Military Police Force before?
Go with the flow!
Process your death paperwork before you actually kick the bucket!” “Directly make yourself an ‘expected deceased person’ in Konoha’s official files.” “Once the massacre night passes, your name will automatically be put into the cremation list!
No one will be bored enough to go digging for a dead person’s ashes in a cesspool!” Yuya stared at the screen, and this god-tier maneuver instantly cleared his mind.
Playing dead only fools the naked eye, but canceling his residency in advance is fooling the entire Konoha bureaucratic system!
He doesn’t need to compete for an Oscar with Uchiha Itachi or Obito; he just needs to confirm in the administrative process that “this person is already cold.” After the massacre ends, who has the leisure to check the DNA of a loser in a pile of corpses?
Decency in the Ninja World is never fought for; it’s achieved when no one investigates deeply.
Before he’s even dead, he’s already booked the urn.
Yuya quickly took stock of the cards in his hand.
First, the persona of being scared out of his mind.
Three consecutive days of midnight scares and neighbors cursing—the whole village knows he’s brain-damaged.
Second, the official pre-warning report.
The “Statement of Victimization” submitted earlier has already gone through the Konoha Military Police Force process, and Lord Itachi himself even reviewed it.
Third, the assistance from Root.
That old schemer Danzo sent three waves of people to step on the mine, welding the blame for “premeditated murder” onto himself tightly.
The final step is to use personal items to replace the corpse.
After a roasting by Fire Release on the night of the massacre, the ground will be full of charred remains.
As long as he throws some blood-stained personal items into the ruins, who could recognize which piece of charcoal is Uchiha Yuya?
Everything is ready, just missing one piece of official documentation!
As long as this thing is stamped with Konoha’s official seal, after the massacre, even if he runs naked in the street, everyone will just think he’s a wandering ghost.
Yuya slowly opened his eyes, a “nuclear-friendly” smile curling at the corners of his mouth.
The Chakra radar within 500 meters activated instantly.
The patrol team at the alley entrance was slacking off, and the uncle next door was heating up oil in a wok.
The rooftops were clear; neither Anbu nor Root had come to check in.
The survival philosophy of a worker is: if you can’t fight head-on, then delete your account!
“Ding!” The system interface flashed with blue light.
[High-rated suggestion recorded, generating mission—] [Mission Objective: Complete the “Supplementary Filing for Corpse Disposal and Disappearance Exemption,” and get it stamped and effective!] [Time Limit: Finish before sunset today, and it must be seen by key characters (Uchiha Itachi / Konoha higher-ups).] [Failure Penalty: At the highest point of the Uchiha Clan Compound, emotionally shout “I wish to borrow another five hundred years from the heavens” for thirty seconds!] Yuya stared at the failure penalty, almost losing his composure.
System, you are truly a dog!
Running to the roof to use a microphone on the night of the massacre?
This is giving Uchiha Itachi and Obito GPS coordinates to unleash their ultimate moves!
Complaining aside, Yuya immediately accepted the mission.
[Accept!] As the prompt sound faded, he scrambled up, dug out the paper and ink from the bottom of his chest, lay down in front of the low table, and began to draft this hellish document with a flourish of his brush.
After writing the first line, Yuya himself broke out in a cold sweat.
“Supplementary filing: If my corpse is destroyed in an abnormal event, please archive it with my personal items, and do not pursue liability for any specific executor.” What is this?
This is a post-mortem liability waiver and a cremation inspection exemption certificate!
Especially the phrase “do not pursue liability for any specific perpetrator”—it’s an absolute kill move.
On the surface, it’s a weak and helpless loser begging for a quick death; in reality, it hangs the fact that “there is a mastermind behind the scenes” directly on the Konoha bureaucrats’ bulletin board!
Later, whichever higher-up reviews the case will fall into deep thought: How did he know in advance that someone was going to target him?
And when Uchiha Itachi sees this report, his CPU will definitely overheat.
That’s exactly the effect he wants!
It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not; as long as the process is complete, “Uchiha Yuya” is legally already dead.
Never mind if the operation is hellish or not; any tactic that can save your life is a god-tier tactic!
Blowing the ink dry, Yuya carefully tucked this page of “life-shortening talisman” into his pocket.
Looking up, the sky outside was so gloomy it felt like it could wring out water, filled with the dead silence of a coming storm.
After tonight, this place will be a Shura field.
Before that, he has to go and chisel his own tombstone solid!
Rubbing his face, he seamlessly switched into that terrified, neurotic, loser persona, hunched his back, and pushed the door open.
As the cold wind blew, he shivered, wrapped his coat tighter, and walked unsteadily toward the center of the Uchiha Clan Compound.
Family members of the Konoha Military Police Force, I’ve come to deliver a shocking gift package for you all.