"Wait for a bit, uhh... what should I call you, sir?" Urek asked, adjusting his tone.
"Shut it, just help me out here, mongrel. I will reward you handsomely... and you will assist me today."
The hero was incredibly irritated by the foul matter smeared across his face... There was still a lingering, repulsive stench after what had occurred.
Furthermore, he couldn’t wipe it off because he was currently unable to move a single inch.
It felt as though his luck had been completely choked out right after he was forced to savor that horrible odor.
’Keke... okay, sir.’ Urek thought, already planning several steps ahead.
He had devised a strategy, and that strategy involved acting like an obedient dog!
Urek would follow the protagonist...playing the part of a loyal mongrel, of course, while slowly executing his true agenda behind the scenes.
’Let’s try a different approach, keke. If the usual trope involves seeking direct revenge because a villain got cuckolded, then I will pull off the ultimate reverse psychology.’
Urek would fully commit to the role: a subservient hound who would obey every single whim and command, gladly taking beatings and serving as the resident clown within the hero’s inner circle.
[ You are really thinking far ahead, Host... you truly possess the mind of a proper story villain. ]
’Of course. Now, how about you cooperate with my proposal?’
[ Are you seriously going to say it? It is incredibly cringe, you know... ]
’It is not! It’s the iconic introduction of the most notorious team in existence, famously known as "Team Luncher"!’
[ Fuck... are you actually serious right now? ]
The system was highly hesitant.
Urek had already brought this up back when they were still at the obsidian throne, and they had rehearsed the lines together multiple times.
’Hell yeah! Are you supposed to be a villain system or not? Don’t back out on me now, man.’
[ Ugh, fine... fine! On three. One, two, three.]
As if tossing its pride completely out the window, the system shouted with sudden enthusiasm.
[ Prepare for trouble! ]
’And make it triple!’
[ To destroy the world from protection!]
’To Unite all Villains in the nation!’
[To announce the evils of blo--- times up!!]
’Fuck... what do you mean time’s up?’
Urek nearly choked on his own spit as the ultimate cliffhanger was abruptly dropped on his face.
[ Let’s stop... it is way too cringe, man. Just act like a decent, respectable antagonist and let’s end this nonsense ]
Urek’s face twitched. It definitely wasn’t cringe... well, maybe just a little bit.
’Get a grip... that is going to be our official catchphrase from now on.’ Urek felt a wave of deep disappointment; his villain system was proving to be a total chicken.
That introduction was globally recognized across the world.
To treat it as mere cringe was a great sin, an absolute blasphemy and sacrilege.
"Move faster, mongrel! I don’t have all day to waste here!" the hero barked once more, observing Urek’s bizarre behavior from his inverted position.
Ren concluded that the man standing before him was a special case...a person with a clear mental defect in his head.
"Right away sir...just wait for a bit." Urek already played enough...the cringe display will happen in the following Chapters of his journey.
[ I can smell something burning... You are definitely cooking up a plot, Host. ]
’Of course... let’s thoroughly milk the main character’s destiny. Keke, I want to find out exactly how many Villain Points I can farm from this encounter.’
[ Keke... magnificent, Host. We might actually get along perfectly in this story of ours. ]
’Of course we will.’
Urek genuinely appreciated the system.
It was a proper partner in crime for the long haul, even if it acted as a major buzzkill regarding their team catchphrase.
Wasting no more time, Urek smoothly initiated his plan, grabbing a long, thick branch and positioning it directly underneath the trapped hero.
"Why are you placing that branch there, mongrel?" Sen questioned out of curiosity.
He couldn’t fathom what was going through the erratic man’s mind...then again, how could anyone successfully read the thoughts of a lunatic?
"I am utilizing it for research purposes, and it will serve as my guide to help pull you out, sir," Urek replied, internally nodding his head in self-approval.
"Then hurry up! You are keeping me waiting... that woman disappeared a long time ago."
"Yes, sir..." Urek began to scale the cliff.
The ascent was rather difficult for him; he was still fundamentally powerless, making his current physical form incredibly weak.
The only reason he had pulled off the previous stunt was due to his timing and meta mind knowledge of the novel’s script.
"You are moving like a literal snail, mongrel! Pick up the pace!"
’You are wasting your breath, you piece of shit... give me a damn second, for God’s sake.’ Urek wanted to snap back.
The repeated insults were causing his blood to boil; it was aggravating.
If this garbage protagonist didn’t possess unnatural divine fortune, Urek would have slaughtered him countless times by now.
Unfortunately, that was an impossibility at the moment.
....
After a grueling five minutes of scaling the rocky wall... Urek finally reached the exact spot where the hero was firmly wedged.
"Ahh... excellent, mongrel. Just a little bit of leverage and I will finally be free!" The hero smirked, delighted to see that his newfound hound was working diligently for his benefit.
He was already planning to adopt Urek as a permanent pet; even if the guy had a few screws loose, at least he was proving to be functional.
’Keke... enjoy this brief moment of comfort, motherfucker. I hope your precious luck fails to cushion what’s coming below.’ Urek thoroughly despised having to assist this trash character.
His dreams of Aura Farming had been thrown right into the gutter, leaving his clothes completely drenched in sweat.
’I am officially over those dramatic aura-farming tropes... now I truly understand why those explosive anti-hero memes are so accurate.’
Urek realized that trying to look effortlessly cool was a massive waste of energy when you were physically weak.
[ You are weak right now, Host. Work hard, gain levels, and you can achieve whatever dramatic entry you desire later on. ]
’Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to rub reality in my face.’ Urek’s features twitched at his partner’s blunt observation.
"Now, sever these vines, mongrel, and I shall grace you with my presence."
"Right away, sir..."
Without a hint of hesitation, Urek cleanly sliced the vines securing Ren’s left leg.
This immediately threw off the hero’s center of gravity, causing his lower half to dangle awkwardly upside down.
His arms and torso remained tightly bound by thick foliage, rendering him entirely incapable of correcting his posture.
"Shit! What do you think you’re doing, mongrel?!" The hero instantly sensed that something was amiss...not necessarily a premonition of mortal peril, but a deeply uncomfortable, highly questionable vibe.
"I am actively assisting you, sir. Please lower your voice... it is highly hazardous to yell," Urek whispered smoothly.
The grand finale of his opening performance was about to conclude.
Would the result be pure gold, or total shit?
’Oh... deepest reserves of my remaining luck, hear my prayer.’
[ Jesus... are you seriously praying to a deity when you are supposed to be the main villain? Just snap the remaining vines, man.]
’Hold your horses for a second... I am trying to channel every single ounce of my ambient luck here.’
Urek was dead serious now; he desperately wanted his petty prayer to manifest.
"Heh... if you are attempting to pull something funny, mongrel, it won’t work! I am eternally blessed with absolute, ultimate luck, so don’t expect any unfortunate accidents to happen to me..."
The hero doesn’t need a shitty pet...his plan was already thrown into the bucket.
"Then... let’s put that theory to the test." Urek didn’t have the slightest clue if his trick would bypass the system of fate.
But since dreaming was entirely free, why not gamble?
Snap!
"Ahhh!!! Hehe... you won’t be able to scratch me, mongrel!"
The hero fully expected Urek’s actions to cause him harm...perhaps by dropping his head directly onto the sharp wooden branch positioned below.
Fortunately for him, his passive luck always manipulated gravity in his favor.
As the vines gave way, his body twisted mid-air to avoid the spike.
However, Urek hadn’t been aiming for his head at all.
"Keke, I never intended to hurt you though~" Urek grinned broadly.
Because of the luck-induced twist, instead of the hero’s head crashing into the branch... it was his exposed rear that aligned perfectly with the stake.
"Oh... shit!" The hero failed to react in time, his focus having been entirely hijacked by the smirking mongrel hovering above.
"Welcome to the readers... the prologue has officially concluded." Urek then gracefully bowed his head toward an imaginary camera, admiring the chaotic angle from above.
"ARGHHHH!!!!!!"
That agonizing screech was the absolute last thing Urek heard before he deactivated his proxy view and disappeared completely into the shadows.