“Calm down. Focus on your breathing.”
The male voice sounded both distant and near, like a life saving vine extended from the edge of a swamp.
Ran Fan kept his eyes closed. His chest and abdomen rose and fell violently as he gasped for air, like a dehydrated fish struggling at the brink of death. After a long while, he finally broke free from the grip of hyperventilation.
He weakly looked toward the person in front of him. A man’s Adam’s apple was right before his eyes.
His gaze traveled upward, meeting a face that felt unfamiliar at first glance yet undeniably carried traces of having once left an impression in his memory.
The hand supporting Ran Fan’s back did not withdraw. With his other hand, the man guided him forward. “Let me introduce myself. My surname is Li. Li Yang.”
“Mr. Ran, let’s get into the car first.”
Li Yang, Jiang Minyu’s biological father.
Whether it was his name or the family behind it, once spoken aloud, few ordinary people would recognize it.
It was only after seeing the detailed materials listing wealth and assets rivaling entire nations that Ran Fan realized that families with truly far reaching power would never expose themselves before ordinary people as casual topics of conversation.
People in the clouds. People of the heavens.
But at this moment, none of that mattered.
Ran Fan lowered his head. His body no longer trembled yet tears still slipped continuously from his lashes.
A neatly folded, light colored linen handkerchief was offered before his eyes.
“Shall I take you home?”
Ran Fan paused slightly, then nodded.
He didn’t say the address. The faint scent of camellia drifting from the handkerchief and the soft music that rose inside the car engulfed him first. The vehicle shot forward, like an arrow released from the bow.
Silence accompanied them the entire way.
Familiar street scenery surged into view outside the window. Ran Fan bent slightly as he got out of the car.
The handkerchief was already crumpled and soaked with tears, no longer holding its shape. Ran Fan stared at it blankly and heard Li Yang speak. “It’s fine.”
He nodded woodenly, then wanted to express his thanks but the man spoke first again. “It’s all right.”
Ran Fan could only turn and leave.
Just as he turned around, Li Yang called out, “Mr. Ran.”
His appearance was indeed ordinary, if one were to put it kindly, he could be described as clean cut.
When Li Yang had seen Ran Fan in photographs, that was what he had thought yet now he realized that Ran Fan actually had a pair of eyes that remained beautiful even after being cried red and swollen.
Within those eyes were things that were soft, fragile and precious, things Li Yang had not seen for many years, ever since he passed the age of thirty.
In the adult world, there existed unspoken rules: do not easily shed tears in front of others. Even if you do, it may be for family or for friends,
But never for a lover.
Because that would be undignified.
Like cutting open one’s own heart and laying it bare for others to see, to judge, to laugh at.
And the ending was often that even the last bit of decent flesh could not be preserved, leaving one battered and bruised.
Li Yang thought of the materials he had investigated.
Ran Fan was an adult yet when it came to love, he chose to lay everything on the table, holding nothing back.
When Jiang Minyu was in elementary school, no one cared for him at home. Coupled with constant conflicts at school due to his outstanding looks and frequent clashes with boys his age, his academic performance was a mess and he had nearly failed to get into middle school.
Ran Fan made plans and took notes, tutoring Jiang Minyu day after day for half a year.
After graduating from university, Ran Fan became a veterinarian in his hometown. When Jiang Minyu decided to come to S City to study, Ran Fan resigned from his job, moved to S City, bought a home, found work again and accepted a demotion to serve as a veterinary assistant for several years.
In this relationship, who was right and who was wrong was painfully clear.
But Jiang Minyu was Li Yang’s son.
When Li Yang was young, like every child born into wealth, the world had been vast and boundless and he had never lacked for companionship.
Not to mention that he resembled his mother from birth, blessed with natural talent and a honeyed appearance that attracted admirers like bees to flowers.
He did not concern himself with gender or identity. He had loved a few people here and there. When feelings ran strong, they stayed together. When feelings faded, they parted amicably.
Jiang Minyu’s mother was one of them.
When the woman first became pregnant, Li Yang had met with her. They reached an agreement, paid a large sum of money and decided she would terminate the pregnancy.
At the time, he was seventeen, far from mature enough to be someone’s father. To him, the matter was merely a pause in a symphony. After the pause, everything continued as before. Nothing more.
It wasn’t until half a month ago, when Li Yang was nearly forty, still without children and clearly unwilling to marry or have offspring, that the old man, impervious even to scolding and beating, slammed Jiang Minyu’s information onto his desk.
Only then did Li Yang learn that the woman had given birth to the child after all and that in the early years she had repeatedly tried to use the child to extort money from the Li family, attempts that the old man had blocked and ultimately handled.
Faced with a son who appeared out of nowhere, Li Yang could not summon any immediate closeness. Twenty two years of missing fatherly love meant that for Jiang Minyu, it was impossible to harbor any deep filial affection for a biological father who had been absent.
Yet once blood ties existed, they could not be severed. Aside from providing financial compensation, Li Yang would do whatever else he could. After all, there was a responsibility that could not be denied.
Just like what was unfolding before his eyes.
At the very least, leave a sliver of possibility for Jiang Minyu’s future.
Li Yang had been through it himself and so he understood how incomparably precious a love that appeared early, untainted and sincere, truly was.
“You can cry as much as you want. That’s your freedom and your right but after you’ve cried, don’t doubt yourself and don’t hurt yourself.”
“There is nothing wrong with you at all. Minyu is the one who’s wrong. He’s too young. He hasn’t yet realized what is truly most valuable in life and he doesn’t understand what he has just thrown away.”
“I’m older than both of you and I’ve seen more things. I’ve watched many young people who first step into the world of fame and fortune become blinded by gilded wealth, forgetting where they came from. I’ve also personally witnessed how, later on, those same people awaken in regret, hating themselves for what they once did.”
“Minyu will regret it one day and that day shouldn’t be too far off.”
“If you still can’t let go of him, give him some time. He will turn back.”
Ran Fan remained silent for a long time.
Li Yang saw tiny, involuntary twitches ripple across the muscles of his face.
Perhaps he wanted to force a smile or perhaps he wanted to cry again.
When only Ran Fan’s retreating back remained, the man watched the direction he left in and said to the assistant in the passenger seat:
“Keep an eye on him a bit more.”
Over the following week, the reports that came in showed no change at all in Ran Fan’s life.
He went to work as usual, got off work as usual, moving between two fixed points every day. His life was monotonous and dull, devoid of entertainment, so predictable it could be seen through at a glance.
Ran Fan’s performance at work also returned to normal. There were no more incidents of distraction or accidental injuries.
Everything continued moving forward. On the surface, it looked as though Ran Fan had accepted reality.
And perhaps that was how it should be. After all, it was just a relationship. Its end could not affect the rotation of the world, nor could it halt the rising and setting of the sun and moon.
But in private, Ran Fan had actually changed a great deal.
He often stared off into space, sitting alone in one place without moving, ten minutes passing in the blink of an eye.
His appetite declined. He couldn’t bring himself to eat. At first, he still felt hunger; later on, even hunger itself faded into numbness.
He would also burst into tears for no apparent reason.
Or perhaps it wasn’t without reason at all. He missed Jiang Minyu too much. Every night, he searched online for news about Jiang Minyu.
Losing Jiang Minyu felt like having a hole carved out of his heart. The core that held him upright was gone, leaving his life hollow and empty.
Jiang Minyu, on the other hand, quickly filled his life to the brim. The company agreed to let him leave the group and go solo. The stages he had once been reluctant to perform on were no longer necessary. In their place came three consecutive endorsements from top luxury brands, with film resources already lining up.
His new family provided him with solid backing, one that destined him to soar straight into the sky.
Ran Fan knew he should be happy for Jiang Minyu, happy that he was finally living the life he had always wanted yet tears continued to fall of their own accord.
He remembered the words Jiang Minyu had said to him before they parted and he did not send Jiang Minyu a single message.
Until that day, the Dragon Boat Festival.
He was at home alone, eating zongzi, when he couldn’t help but pull up Jiang Minyu’s contact information.
Every year, they had always spent the Dragon Boat Festival together.
At this time last year, Jiang Minyu had just graduated from university and entered society, taking on part time modeling work and earning his first substantial sum of money.
With that money, he bought Ran Fan many trendy, fashionable clothes, while buying nothing for himself.
“Your clothes are so outdated. These look much better.”
“Turn around, let me see. Not bad at all.”
Then there had been a hug. Jiang Minyu, happy and proud, had kissed his cheek and said, “You should’ve dressed like this earlier. You just don’t like to put effort into your appearance.”
Those words overlapped with the sentence, “If people see it, I’ll feel ashamed,” in a way that was indescribably absurd.
Only a single year had passed.
【Today is the Dragon Boat Festival.】
【Are you busy?】
【I assisted with two surgeries today. Minyu, I think I might be able to get officially promoted in the second half of the year.】
As soon as he sent the third message, a red exclamation mark appeared beside it.
Ran Fan fell silent for a long time, then grabbed his jacket and went out.
He didn’t know where Jiang Minyu was now, nor did he truly expect to see him again. He just needed to walk, to disperse the emotions that had gathered too thickly inside him.
Yet at the entrance of Jiang Minyu’s company, by sheer chance, he ran straight into fate.
From afar, he saw the familiar nanny van that Jiang Minyu often rode in come to a stop. A familiar figure stepped down from the vehicle.
Ran Fan halted, hesitating over whether he should approach.
At that moment, another figure emerged and threw himself into Jiang Minyu’s arms.
Ran Fan recognized the person. It was a mixed race young actor from the entertainment industry, a rising new generation visual powerhouse, his name styled in English, Kyle.
The two embraced. Not wanting to be photographed, they quickly entered the building. Just as they reached the entrance, as if sensing something, they glanced in Ran Fan’s direction.
All they saw was a tall figure’s back.
The two figures in the distance disappeared.
Li Yang asked the person in front of him, “Are you okay?”
There was no response.
Li Yang stepped back slightly and saw that Ran Fan’s hair was disheveled, his appearance wretched, his complexion pale like that of someone ill. His trembling gaze lifted upward and his eyes were rimmed with a deep red.
He had cried again.
Fragile. Brokenhearted. It seemed as though he had an endless supply of tears.
Li Yang handed him a handkerchief once more. This time, he didn’t wait for Ran Fan to take it. He personally wiped away Ran Fan’s tears.
As he did so, he thought to himself that he hadn’t been mistaken last time.
Ran Fan’s eyes were indeed extraordinary.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
The chapter has ended. The coffee propaganda begins.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Let’s break upChapter 2 · A hand landed on Ran Fan’s backChapter 3 · Jiang Wenyu’s biological fatherChapter 4 · Li Yang kissed him againChapter 5 · Could you come to the hospital?Chapter 6 · I hope you can give birthChapter 7 · Are you bothered by the fact that I am Jiang Wenyu’s biological father?Chapter 8 · Don’t you think I’m ordinary?Chapter 9 · Don’t consider it me going back on my wordChapter 10 · You are a truly remarkable personChapter 11 · Would you say you’re cold-hearted towards Ran Fan?Chapter 12 · Dr. Ran resigned several months ago.Chapter 13 · Can we meet up?Chapter 14 · You also know the child’s fatherChapter 15 · You are the most important to meChapter 16 · Extra 1Chapter 17 · Extra 2Chapter 18 · Extra 3